CB Mailbag #1: There’s Something Wrong with Most of You

Kyle Scott —  February 15, 2011 — 11 Comments

Cb_mail_photo

We're not even going to try to pretend this isn't a blatant rip off of Sport Guy's mailbag, but I really don't care. These are your emails, Tweets, and comments. Submit yours to CrossingBroad [at] Yahoo [dot] com.

 

Yo cuz, I was curious which direction you were going to go with the CB mailbag: like Drew @ Deadspin with the "I think I am funnier than I truly am" route with slightly funny but way over the top responses to possibly made up emails or like Simmons @ ESPN with the "I think I am funnier than I truly am" route with slightly funny but extremely self serving and overloaded with pop culture references to possibly made up emails?  It has to be onw of the two, right?

The Reddgie

Well, The Reddgie, I was wondering if you were going to go with the “I think I am funnier than I truly am” route with a slightly humorous email but one that reeks of insecurities and is somewhat spiteful and jealous of three sites that you clearly read and take time to craft clever emails towards while you sit at home likely drinking Banker’s Club on your own writing emails that you may or may not have stolen from Deadspin or with the “I think I am funnier than I truly am” route with a slightly humorous email but completely ruin it with run on sentences that make it almost impossible to read and hence kind of kill the the little bit of funny it did have while you sit at home likely drinking Mike’s Hard writing emails that you may or may not have stolen from ESPN? But you may or may not even be real, right?

 

It is always acceptable for children to gush over players.  It is mostly acceptable for women to do this, especially if they are young and relatively attractive b/c the players don't mind having to look at them.  However, it is NEVER ok for a grown man to make a fuss over another grown man.  Never.  Period.  Hanging around calling after another grown man for his autograph or wildly cheering and trying to get their attention is unacceptable.  My husband swears the players probably find those guys to be annoying and lame.  He said that guys should only seek autographs at designated signings (like the Phillies festival) and even then you shouldn't swoon over them like a pansy but behave like Newman in the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld and make your order and move on!  (Jumbalaya!) He did offer that exceptions can be made for sports legends like Jordan or something.

Do you agree?

KO

I typically fall asleep at night thinking about Cliff Lee’s ironic chin. I am the first to notice that Roy Halladay has big, safe hands. I once drew a heart around Scottie Reynold’s face and used it as my Facebook picture. My girlfriend had to have an intervention on me when I wouldn’t stop calling Chase Utley "sexy."

I’m the wrong person to ask.

 

You had to pay for the story that you wrote for [USA Today magazine] for no pay?

Jorge

You don’t get paid to write these endless articles that line the deep pockets of the folks at Bleacher Report?

 

Your lack of class is appalling. Let TMZ do the trashy celeb sightings you should stick to sports. No one cares if you were picked last in everything you did and have an obvious man crush on the boys in Orange & Black. Let Giroux (who is an exceptionally gifted player) eat in peace and the same for everyother sports player. Halfassed reporting can be entertaining and I will definately say that you are that, but you jeoparidize players safety and by digging into their personal lives may make it harder to retain players in the future. Imagine if someone reported they saw Kyle Scott on 12th n Spruce sucking another mans dick? You can try your best to turn this into a sports related thedirty.com, but most of us care about the sports updates not the constant Jeff Carter bashing (who is living up to that contract pretty well). Have some class and act like a professional.

Daniel

Video response:

 

Hey Crossing Broad, Can someone explain to me Mike "King" Richards, a prominent representative of Philadelphia sports, wearing a Yankees hat for the second time in public at a Philadelphia sports event (Nova game last night at the Pavillion). He also wore it at the Flyers Skills competition. Notice he did not participate in that since it was a "skills" competition. It's offensive to the Philly sports fan who pays his salary and keeps the stadiums filled in this city. Its a total Jerkoff move.

Tom

Hey, youuuu. There is no logical explanation for it, that’s the problem. Mike Richards grew up in Canada, played for the Kenora Thistles, then- the closest he’s ever come to playing for a “New York” team-he played for the Kitchener Rangers of the Ontario Hockey League. He then played for the Phantons (in Philadelphia) and now the Flyers. He has no reason to be a Yankees fan.

Like so many others, he wears the Yankees hat because it’s chic to do so. But, along with Jeff Carter and Ville Leino, he’s always hanging out at Phillies games and McFadden’s- just support the hometown team.

I really don’t care what he does, it doesn’t change my opinion of him as a hockey player. But he looks like a douche. Take off the hat, Mike. Plus the Yankees aren’t the cool team anymore… That’s the Phillies.

 

 

Boxers or briefs? ;-)

May Pat Gallagher

It's like a mesh boyshort..

 

Do these pants make my ass look fat?

Jennifer

Do you want me to be honest?

 

How much money does Kyle Scott make a year?

David

Not enough. Buy some tickets and t-shirts.

 

Big fan of your blog bro….you'll have Daulerio by the balls in no time.

Dominic

I want nothing to do with A.J. Daulerio's balls.

 

I was so excited about pitchers and catchers today I crapped….a Phillies logo! I swear this is completely legit and a work of nature, not hand… 

[Editors Note: I’m warning you, not a joke, this is gross and not suitable for anywhere. But it is rather impressive. If you’re easily offended or grossed out, don’t click. Otherwise, here it is.]

I apologize in advance if this disgusts you, but I thought u would at least appreciate my excitement. 

A.J.

I do appreciate your excrement. It’s fucking gross, but the way the loop tucks ever so nicely behind the anchor really brings this all together. Nice work on the the serifs, too.

One of two things happened here: Either you’ve discovered how to use more than 20% of your brain and this is one of the outcomes the human race has to look forward to, or, you shifted your ass around the can like a fabric-weaving machine set on “high,” and somehow managed to not shat all over yourself. Either way, well played.

Now I’d be really impressed if someone could poop the 1970 Phillies “P” with that ingested tilde looking thing in the middle (that’s not an invitation to send me pictures of your shits).

 

I Tweeted a tease of that last email…

 

You should create a contest to name it, I submit Plashito Polanco.

Rudy

And they say it's always sunny here…

Kyle Scott

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Editor

11 responses to CB Mailbag #1: There’s Something Wrong with Most of You

  1. in the middle of my pulm physio class, clicked on the link to see the Phillies Poo, and absolutely lost it while the prof was talking about divers dying due to shallow water blackout…well played, CB

  2. If you don’t find that poop awesome, you probably do not belong here.

  3. Still it should be called the CB Correspondence Sac

  4. I’m the owner of that terd. I swear to God…it was totally incidental. I leaned over to wipe, and thought…”Man, that kinda looks like something”. When I got up and looked I immediately said “Holy SHIT! (no pun intended) That’s a Phillies P!!!!” and I grabbed my phone to take the picture. I’m extremely proud of this and I’m glad to see people like Rinkusan and Bobert Smith appreciate my work. My fiance, on the other hand, is contemplating calling off the engagement. I’ll keep you guys posted if I find a Flyers or Eagles logo in the future.

  5. Daniel, stop douching up my fucking name. I’ve worked hard to make it legitimate after that absurd irish lullaby and that Elton John song combined to make it just shy of “Bruce” on the names-you-don’t-want scale (Daniel Day-Lewis helped by insisting on bludgeoning someone in each of his films). Not to take away from Kyle’s journalistic chops, but if Crossing Broad is really your primary source of sports news, you should be castrated. Do you also get your world and political news by watching The Daily Show? Next time you write in to say something stupid, at least sign it “Steven”, so people don’t associate the two of us.

  6. Nice post, Danny Boy.

  7. well done adam, well done…it’s the best damn poop p (poopy) i’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing…

  8. Quality BM, Adam. But don’t try for an Eagles or Flyers logo or else you may need to be hospitalized.

  9. I’m howling here! Mesh boyshort? Thanks for the info!

  10. best video response ever…

  11. This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger.

    I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your wonderful post.
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