Pence_home_runSource: Phillies.com (Getty Images)

Cliff Lee:

"Yeah, this is probably the best game I’ve had as far as commanding the ball.  So, working ahead, using all of my pitches. We scored two early in this second, made things easy for me just to be aggressive. I was just locating, staying out of the heart of the plate. 

Everything was working. It was one of those nights where I was locating everything, so yeah, that was it. It was a good day."

 

That it was, Clifton. That it was. The Phillies won, 3-0.

Somewhere in the land of pretty ponies, where awkward men like Ichabod Crane dodge pumpkin heads thrown at them with gravity-defying movement, Cliff Lee and Hunter Pence were just sitting back, watching, waiting to bridge the Madison Bumgarner Gap. Last night was their time to strike.

If you don’t like that lede, you're probably not going to like this, either: In the seventh inning, when Lee had Cody Ross down in the count, 0-2, after throwing two straight speed balls, I mumbled to myself, “He’s going to drop a deuce on him like a magical steed throwing pixie dust off a rainbow.” 

I wasn’t far off.

Cody Ross finished the night 0-for-4 with four strikeouts. Sit down, clown.

Take a look at Lee’s pitch charts from last night (here's the top-down view). His balls were breaking 10 inches in both directions.

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Courtesy Brooks Baseball

Here’s video of his dominant performance (I truly no longer understand MLB’s embed video policy).

And here’s Lee and his big swinging dick (figurative) talking about his nearly perfect performance. And yes, I believe that is Placido Polanco rapping at the 1:30 mark:

As if that wasn’t enough to get you going on this Friday morning, absorb the fact that Hunter Pence was 3-for-4 with a home run and two RBIs. He most certainly was first in line at the post-game food spread. 

Just look at this lunacy, these are the types of things he retweets:

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Go eat, my son. Here’s video of his monster home run in the second.

That was pretty much the game in a nutshell: Cliff Lee good, Giants bad. Hunter Pence eats.

But there’s more. There was a random dancing Asian chick next to Willie McCovey. It’s either his girlfriend or his nurse or, well, I don’t know. It was funny, though:

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Finally, the Phillies’ bat boy ate it hard when coming out to get a bat from Victorino. 

Let’s eat.