The Lenny Dykstra Celebrity Boxing Match (Which Never Happened) Story Has Taken an Unexpected and Delightfully Ridiculous Turn

But, but, but...

Of course the Lenny Dykstra celebrity boxing match saga took a turn toward the ridiculous this weekend.

He didn’t show up. You knew that.

What you might not know are the details (half of which have to be false, since every player in this is making contradictory statements) as told to Dan Gross, who wrote a fascinating, must-read article on the whole cockup.

If you don’t have the attention span to read a lengthy piece about worms crawling on slugs, then here’s the gist:

Lenny says he never agreed to the fight. Instead, he claims that a man posing as his business manager, Dan Herman, 26, of West Chester, booked him for the fight and made up the quotes that were contained in a press release for the event.

Damon Feldman and Alki David, the fight’s organizers, reversed course on a prior claim that they paid Dykstra a $5,000 advance on Thursday (citing loud noises as a reason for the misinterpreted question, answer). Feldman told Gross that, last week, he and David visited Dykstra at a California rehab center, where Dykstra is currently a patient. Dykstra, however, says that he isn’t a patient, and that he’s simply staying with his friend... Dr. Howard Samuels (yeah, and I just like to fly with my quiet companion, William H. Xanax).

Anyway, the best part is when Dykstra starts slinging mud at Herman (portrayed to be the real culprit here), who may or may not be posing as Nails’ business manager, 

"I never agreed to anything," the embattled Dykstra told us yesterday in an email. "Damon Feldman and Alki David continued to use my name to sell tickets and promote their event up until the last minute. They showed up at my door unexpected, I didn't even know who they were," Dykstra explained. He then showed Feldman and David an angry email he sent to Herman Wednesday night, chewing out Herman for booking the fight without his permission.

By phone yesterday, Dykstra denied that Herman was ever his business manager. "If he's my business manager, I'm a f[uck]in' ballerina," he told us.

 

[If anyone wants to make Lenny Dykstra-I’m a fuckin’ ballerina shirts, consider us on board] 

For what it’s worth, I’ve been told that Herman is the guy who runs “Dykstra’s” Twitter account, too.

There’s more. Much more. Dykstra acknowledges that he was visited by Feldman and David. And he claims he was offered money to say - on video - that he was unable to fight due to injury. Feldman and David, of course, deny that claim-- because that would surely be unethical.

Not to be outdone in this circle jerk of unfortunate, Herman claims that Dykstra is lying because he’s a convicted felon, and that’s just what they do.

Oh, and the best part? Dykstra only spoke to Gross because John Bolaris told him it was OK. 

You can’t make up the Dykstra Zone, folks.

Full story here.

Comments

[DJ Tommy Tom]

after reading this, I now need to be medicated...WTF just happened...I blacked out

[Iron Balls McGinty]

"(yeah, and I just like to fly with my quiet companion, William H. Xanax)"

Don't forget your good friend, Michael J. Monistat.

[MM]

lenny Dykstra, dead by Christmas?

[Brad]

we know you stole "the dykstra zone" from bill simmons' "the tyson zone." Still applicable and fine to be used (in fact encouraged i love it) but dont try and act like you came up with the idea on your own, give simmons the credit.

[Jimbo Thompson]

Gay

[F A C E]

Anytime loud noises are cited for a reason for anything, it's awesome sauce. LOUD NOISES FTW!!

face