Morning Wood: Pinching Chooch

Kyle Scott —  May 31, 2012 — 13 Comments

Screen Shot 2012-05-31 at 9.10.33 AMHe's… so happy

How about a game where delightfully fat and slightly injured Chooch hits a two-run, pinch-hit, game-tying bomb in the hell hole known as Flushing, New York?

Sign me up!

Carlos Ruiz’s two-run blast in the top of the seventh tied last night's game at 3-3 and prevented Cliff Lee from being eligible for yet another loss. The Phillies would explode for seven more runs on their way to a 10-6 victory against the Metropolitans.

Carlos, predictably, was so happy: [Phillies.com

"I'm so happy to have that big home run right there. I was trying to get at least a base hit to get the inning going. I got a good pitch to hit and made a good swing."

 

Charlie Manuel, predictably, knew his pinch-hitter would come up big: 

"I had a feeling he was going to get a knock," Manuel said. "That's why I put him up there."

 

Cliff Lee, predictably, and like Roy Halladay, thinks Chooch is the best player on the team right now: 

"He's a great player, and he's proven it day in and day out," Lee said of Ruiz. "He's been a great catcher ever since I've been involved with him, and now he's starting to prove it even more with the bat. It just shows how complete of a player he is. He's our best player right now and has been the whole time."

 

The Amaro Lies

Ruben Amaro, who back in February classified Ryan Howard’s second surgery as not a setback, tells CSN Philly’s Jim Salisbury that The Big Piece probably won’t be back in June:

Amaro was asked if he believed Howard could be back before the end of June.

“I don’t believe so,” he said. “I don’t think so.”

Could Howard be back by the All-Star break?

“I don’t know,” Amaro said.

 

Howard actually had muscle removed during his surgery, something that was just revealed by the team last week following an all-out assault on their transparency from the Inquirer. 

Lies.

Now on to Halladay…  

Doc saw another doctor yesterday in New York– Dr. David Altchek, who performed surprise Tommy John surgery on Twin Scott Baker. There’s no indication that anything is wrong with Halladay’s elbow… but there are a number of odd occurrences involving Doc since March that make us uneasy:

Decreased velocity in spring training, denies injury.

Leaves team after poor outing – in which he once again looked overheated – for “personal family issue,” returns next day. 

Wild rumors pop up about Doc’s health as people speculate what’s wrong and why he left team.

More bad starts.

Shoulder soreness, pulled from start. 

Lat strain, out 6-8 weeks.

Second opinion, will speak with media on Friday, likely in a secret, staged meeting by Phillies PR gestapo. 

Does this worry anyone else, or is it just me? 

Beer

A mobile-friendly link to the CBP beer guide.

The Rapists for 100, Alex

Screen Shot 2012-05-31 at 9.22.51 AM

The serial rapist in the Northeast looks an awful lot like Shane Victorino, as pointed out by reader Emily. We're told it was Cliff Lee who gave a description to sketch artists.

Old Balls

Jamie Moyer was DFA'd.

Mermaids

Finally, the mermaid of John Mayberry Jr.’s affection, actress Antoinette Nikprelaj, is in a Carl’s Jr. ad, as pointed out by reader Ray.

I bet John wishes she was biting into his meat. What, too graphic?

Kyle Scott

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13 responses to Morning Wood: Pinching Chooch

  1. bitch betta have mah HONEY May 31, 2012 at 10:46 am

    I’ll take the Penis mightier for 200!

  2. i just literally LOLed at that rapist sketch. too funny.

  3. 3 Finger Lenny May 31, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    kitchen now

  4. fine. what do you want for lunch?

  5. Where are all the negative doomsday so called Phillies Fans? Another series win 3 games out of first at the end of May. Just where we need to be. Keep it close till the all star break then make the move.

  6. still no word on oswalt going to the rangers, eh?

  7. @gabe
    you need crossingbroad to tell you that?
    he’s not going to the phillies, wasn’t aware a philly sportsblog needs to cover an athlete that pitched 1 1/2 seasons here, signing with another team in another league. this aint espn.
    join courtney in the kitchen and stay out of her way.

  8. I’ll repeat what I’ve been saying since October 2011…
    Ryan Howard does not play in 2012.
    Please stop asking when he’ll be back.

  9. @Steve Radio
    Did Tawanna tell you that??

  10. @Gabe
    He already mentioned it you worthless cunt.

  11. lol when did he mention it. and given all the hand jobs to ex philly players around here i would imagine an entry dedicated to him moving would have shown up. bunch of internet tough guys on here. must be hard to be so hard

  12. that rapist sketch is at least a year old. I saw it last summer and saved it on my computer.

  13. It worked, but I find it funny that Manuel put Chooch in the exact situation – coming cold off the bench – that people had warned not to due to his hamstring injury.

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