Nationals Issue a Guide on How to be a Nationals Fan

Screen Shot 2012-05-04 at 11.59.51 AMPhoto by JDLand.com, via D.C. Sports Bog

There are many embarrassing things related to being a Nationals fan, and we’re not going to rehash them here (we’ve spent the last two months or so doing that). What we are going to do, however, is point and laugh at the latest effort by the Nats to manufacture the perfect, passionately intense proud fan.  

Yesterday, the Nationals posted a “Fan’s Guide to NATITUDE Weekend” (yes, the style guides say it's capitalized) on their official blog, Curly W. Now, you might think that such a guide would include details about pre-game events, honorees, matchups, etc. No. No it doesn’t. It’s a guide on… how to be a fan of the Washington Nationals, providing surface-level information for fans to arm themselves with as knowledgeable Phillies fans #takeover.

The Phillies call this sort of thing "Baseball 101 Clinic for Women," and it's held once each season.

Some frighteningly amateurish, embarrassing, bush league, are you kidding me? highlights from the Nats guide:

Well, it’s finally here. Welcome to NATITUDE Weekend at Nationals Park, the first three-game set of the year against the rival Phillies. If you are planning to attend any (or all) of this weekend’s games, here’s a handy guide to help arm you with the NATITUDE you need to show the Philly fans who decided to make the trip south to Our Park that Washington is ready to turn the tide both on the field and off. 

 

The Nationals are off to a great start to 2012, and it helps to understand just how good they’ve been so far. As any Phillies fan will tell you, pitching is all-important in building a winner.

 

Were you aware that the Nationals beat Philadelphia, 10-8, in the season series in 2011, including the final five games?

 

There’s this guy named Bryce

They may boo him, but every opposing fan will have their eyes trained on home plate when 19 year-old Bryce Harper digs in. The outfielder turned in the first three-hit game of his young career on Wednesday, and is already altering games on defense with his cannon of an arm. Make sure you’re in your seat when Harper bats – you just might witness a piece of history.

 

Root, root, root for the home team

Bring your passion and energy to Our Park to cheer for the Nats. It’s going to be a fun, rowdy environment for sure, so bring your yelling voice. But should you run into some unruly visiting fans, don’t worry about wasting it on them. Let them regale you with stories about their .500 ballclub, and about how good they used to be. You know, in the past. Just take the high road and Ignite Your NATITUDE to support the NL East-leading Nats, the most exciting young team in baseball. 

 

Phew, I was ready for that to explain why a stolen base doesn’t land a player in jail. 

In case you needed any more anecdotal evidence of the type of pure, unadulterated passion Nats fans will be bringing to the baseball court (that’s what it’s called, right?), here’s Kenny Dixon, as described by Philly.com:

Kenny Dixon, 34, is a Marine from Georgia stationed in Quantico, Va. A season-ticket holder, he attended Wednesday's game with his wife and three kids and admitted he is an Atlanta Braves fan who also loves the Nationals.

He does not enjoy the annual invasion of Phillies fans.

"When the Phillies come into town, [their fans] sit out there and drink all day and they are just a bunch of idiots," Dixon said. "Honestly, if I was in Philadelphia to watch a game, I'd wear a Phillies T-shirt and go to the game and watch it because . . . when in Rome. 

 

Yeah, see, when in Rome, we wear this: 

Screen Shot 2012-05-04 at 12.28.21 PM

We also don’t need to be reminded who bats third for our team.

42 Comments

  1. “We also don’t need to be reminded who bats third for our team.”
    Yes we do because it changes daily.

  2. You are all idiots

    May 4, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Every day I thank God that I’m not the hateful idiot who runs this blog.

  3. you need to make those shirts available to non-bus trippers. i would totally wear it.

  4. Jesus, dude. Your hard on for the Nationals is getting unbearable. Is it that they’re going to be better than the Phillies in a year or so?

  5. The Nationals’ first 20 games, and first 31 out of 42, will come against teams that finished last season with a losing record. They do not play a 2011 playoff team until May 1.

  6. Horseface Hughes

    May 4, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    I think this whole take back the park campaign was masterminded by the Nats with the intention to encourage even more Philly fans to come down.
    “keep us out of the park?..we’ll show you!”

  7. I swear, I keep giving this blog another chance and every single time I come back, there’s some insult to women included in the body of the post. Why alieniate your female fanbase? Once again, I have to be hit over the head with the fact that I am not perceived as a possible member of the audience and am therefore invisible. The worst part is that the jokes are so played out and sophmoric. Get a clue, dudes.

  8. and you're here why?

    May 4, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Calm the fuck down. Don’t like the blog, don’t read it.

  9. @Horseface, agreed. I mean, it’s the ONLY way they’d be able to increase their lousy ticket sales.

  10. Yes, please make these shirts available to the general public so those not able to go to the game Sunday can buy one!

  11. THIS IS GREAT. i ALSO NEED THAT SHIRT

  12. Is it National Have Your Period week for you ladies? That wasn’t even a knock on women. Kyle was referencing AN ACTUAL THING. Sorry that the “generalization” that women aren’t that into baseball and don’t understand it is GENERALLY true. It’s funny because Nationals fans aren’t that into baseball and don’t understand it, meaning they need the same course. There’s a reason why the Phillies don’t offer it to guys.
    GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF.

  13. It’s really embarrassing how much time you spend hounding the NL East’s first place team.

  14. Played Out Joke Guy

    May 4, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Get back in the kitchen woman!

  15. KYLE SCOTT NEEDS TO QUIT

    May 4, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    You are such an ignorant and hateful loser…honestly does it make you feel better about yourself to post this pointless shit? You are so butt hurt over everything and its sad…Kyle Scott you are a pathetic excuse for a blogger and a human being. Nobody likes you. Go Phils!

  16. mixbyhand
    Step 1: enter kitchen
    Step 2: mix together ingredients by hand
    Step 3: make me a fucking sandwich
    Step 4: ????
    Step 5: profit

  17. Why should this occupy nats park shirt be available if you are not going to occupy national park??

  18. They keep callin us thier rivals….they haven’t been relevant since Montreal. We’ve completely dominated the NL East for years and won a little thing the Nationals nor Expos ever won called a WORLD FUCKING SERIES. Rivals??? Common. Theyre not even in the Ironpigs’ league. How can they just give themselves this sense of accomplishment. Its an embarrassment to hype your own team under false pretense.

  19. LOL … thanks David Murphy
    David Murphy ‏ @HighCheese
    5/4/01-5/6/01, Wknd series, PHI in 1st, Avg att.: 21,500 RT @heathenhammer the thing people dont remember is how empty the vet was for years
    you people and this “movement” are by far the gayest thing going on right now

  20. lmao at all the butthurt retards complaining about this shit. go read crashburn alley, nerds

  21. Hey Kyle, nobody likes you!! I am a loser that comes to this site that I hate just to rag on you because I am soooo cool. I like to be a hypocrite and call you a hateful loser in my posts because I am a dumbass crying for attention and wish people liked me… I like to come to your site and help you make more money and stay in business because I hate you so much and your writing sucks! I’m gonna go back to be a loser now.. Thanks!

  22. Washington Post taking a shot at the hometown attendance.
    #1 in division. Strasburg on mound. Star studded phils… and seats remain.
    I think the promo of this backfired for Washington. The philly reputation of loud mouthed drunken high testosterone fans hanging out in large groups has the Washington locals thinking… no thanks!
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/nationals/washington-nationals-attendance-lags–so-far–despite-bryce-harper-and-stephen-strasburg/2012/05/03/gIQAPfAyzT_story.html

  23. NATITUDE ,,,how gay is that ..bet a woman came up with it

  24. That. Shirt. Is. Awesome

  25. RangersYankeesNYGiantsFan

    May 4, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    I hope the Nationals bury the stinkin phils.Can’t stand philly teams and their miserable fans.

  26. First, love the shirt. That is freakin’ awesome.
    Second: seriously guys, get your nutsacks untwisted and shut the F up about female jokes. At least we have a reason to be whiny and bitchy once a month. What’s yours?

  27. OMG …. THANKS AGAIN DAVID MURPHY
    — its like he tapped into this site and stole Beez’s shit
    David Murphy ‏ @HighCheese
    @phungo2008 Burrell was the #2 prospect in the game in 2000. Harper is #1. Burrell drew 22,194 for his home debut

  28. I’ve actaully attended Baseball 101 Clinic for Women, twice! (and they hold it twice a year) They were two of the best days of my life!! I got to run the bases, bat in the batting cages, pitch in the bull pen, interview Rube Shane and JDub, chill in the clubhouse, and tour the media room. It’s actually sad they don’t let men attend becuase it’s awesome!!! The event is also a fundraiser for women’s charities. I believe the Eagles hold an event like this as well.

  29. PhilliesFlyersSixersEaglesFan

    May 4, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    @RangersYankeesNYGiantsFan its cute that you like to check in on philly blogs though

  30. X Live Panty Dropper

    May 4, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    You guys need to get off of Kyle. This idiotic fan guide needed to be pointed out. Are the Nats serious with this? They’re really boasting about being in first place on May 4th?

  31. Bitter Old Woman

    May 4, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    1) Thanks Chickie. I agree with what you said. Why do the men get their panties in a bunch when women comment on this site?
    2) I do not feel offended by anything Kyle has said or doesn’t say about women. If you do, than don’t read the blog.
    3) Ditto about any man who whines about this blog. Don’t read it;
    4) My boyfriend is the sports widow. He hates baseball, football, and hockey. Just sayin.
    Thanks, Kyle for the laughs during my workday!

  32. I need this shirt for my trek to CBPS tomorrow!

  33. otro caballo

    May 4, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    i love how everyone gives Kyle shit now. He runs one hell of a site. And does it while being both light and reputable.
    will these shirts be on sale to the rest of us? say through philly phaithful?

  34. Murphys tween has about as much weight as being in 1st place in the month of may

  35. Do Phillies fans really need a guide on how to be a fan? C’mon now. It appears Nats fans do not have intelligence that requires insulting.

  36. 3 Finger Lenny

    May 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Jess- get the fuck off this site & back in the kitchen. My bad, forgot its pizza night. Don’t forget a side order of 20 wings.

  37. Kyle needs a 101 guide on Phillies events. “Baseball 101″ is a shitty name for what amounts to a one day fantasy camp. It is not a primer on Phillies basics. Men would cream themselves to play catch on the field, pitch in the bullpen with Dubee and Billmeyer, bat in the cages, fuck around with phan-o-vision, get baserunning tips with Juan and ask questions to Rube and the players. They run it twice a year and you penises all wish you could go. I suggest trying to come in drag.

  38. The sexist and homophobic humor is just next level, guys. Applause for carrying out every negative stereotype about Philadelphia on a single site.

  39. KYLE SCOTT NEEDS TO QUIT

    May 4, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH FUCK THE PHILLIES

  40. Shop our premium selection of Running Shoes for men and women. Find the best brands on sale at Ourskicks.com

  41. Philly Fan that lives near DC and is around Nats fans all day

    May 6, 2012 at 1:13 am

    WANT THAT SHIRT!!!! I WILL PAY JUST GIVE ME A LINK

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