Your Monday Morning Roundup

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Phoebe Phanatic was in town yesterday for Mother’s Day and she celebrated by giving us all a peek up her skirt. I wonder how the feminist zealots will feel about this screen cap from reader MikeWhat if someone took a picture of your mascot’s underwear and blasted it all over the interwebtuals, how would you feel? What, are furry green mascots nothing more than a piece of meat to you? Grow up and act like you’ve seen a Phanatic's pussy before. 

Those are the reactions I would expect.

It’s May 14. The Phillies are in last place, the Flyers are golfing, the Sixers are trailing the Celtics 1-0 in the second round, Mike Richards and Jeff Carter appear like they may not lose a game again this season, and Jay-Z is going to announce a hip hop and latin music festival in Philadelphia this morning.

Welcome to bizarro Philadelphia. Let’s hit it.

 

But first, a word from our sponsors:

- Join us Thursday night at Drinker’s Tavern in Old City (2nd and Market) for Philly Sports in Movies quizzo. From Rocky to Goldberg the Goalie, we’ll test your Philly sports and movie knowledge. 8 p.m. More details here.

- Check out BC Sports for all your Philly sports apparel needs. Get gear, memorabilia and signed photos. Shop here.

- Get Philly Phaithful’s Beat Boston t-shirt to show your love all over your chest.

- Tickets for the Phils-Astros series begin at $12. Sixers-Celtics tickets starting at $41 on Crossing Broad Tickets.

 

The roundup:

- Osi Umenyiora and his impossible name took an incredibly cheap shot in their ongoing Twitter war with LeSean McCoy yesterday:

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If you’ll recall, last June Umenyioairairoameniemynyoira responded to a Tweet from McCoy which called the Giant soft by telling NJ.com that McCoy shouldn’t be “no Twitter gangsta.” Ironnnny.

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- From the impossible to script department: Douchebag Bryce Harper broke his bat in frustration on Friday. The bat bounced off a wall and hit Harper in the face, forcing him to get 10 stitches:

"It's just a little frustration," said Harper, whose hair was still blood-stained as he spoke with reporters at his locker. "It doesn't hurt at all. I feel fine. I didn't get light-headed."

 

Hate him yet? 

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- DeSean Jackson was pulled over and given what looks to be a field sobriety test on Saturday morning while on his way to a charity event at a church in Philadelphia. Witnesses tell TMZ that an officer was very rough toward D-Jac, but was never given any attitude by the Eagles wide receiver. Details are fuzzy here and the whole situation is odd. One reader emailed us (before the TMZ story was posted), and said that his friends witnessed the scene, which they said occurred on Penrose Ave.

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- Last night on NBC 10’s Sports Final, Howard Eskin reported that Cole Hamels and his agent are looking for a seven-year deal.

- The Mets may offer David Wright a long-term deal.

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Photos from Eagles cheerleader auditions.

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- Mike Richards and Jeff Carter, who are up 1-0 in the Western Conference Finals, were seated courtside at the Clippers game on Friday night. via readers Mike and Joe

- This morning, Jay-Z will announce a hip hop and latin music festival to take place in Fairmount Park over Labor Day weekend. I don’t see what could possibly go wrong here.

- 90 years ago today the Phillies dipped below the .500 mark and have never gone back over it.

- Joe Biden's room was filled with Phillies posters on Saturday Night Live:

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- Manchester City won the English Premier League in RIDICULOUS fashion yesterday, scoring two goals in extra time to win the title

25 Comments

  1. Phillies fan that was home-schooled****

    May 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Phoebe is such a MILF

  2. Pellie Eklund

    May 14, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Richie still rocking the Yankees cap

  3. what kind of car was #10 pulled over in? Looks like an understated Dodge Stratus but I’m only going off what I can see in the picture.

  4. 7 years for a pitcher …. ba bye

  5. Filthadelphia

    May 14, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Fairmount Park is gonna reek of coc oa butter for months after that Jay-z concert

  6. Snow Balls at Santa

    May 14, 2012 at 9:31 am

    I hope Amaro doesnt fear the negative fan reaction to trading Hamels and does what is best to rebuild this miserable team. 7 years $175Mil is what he’ll get on the open market and the Phils cant keep chasing 2008. Its been real Cole..

  7. did Phoebe fall off the back of the Phanatic’s quad again?

  8. ThePhillyFlash

    May 14, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Never mind the Phillies stuff in Joe’s room, what’s up with the Beach Boys poster?
    As for Desean, I could be wrong, but that car looks more like a Challenger judging from the rear end and the low profile tires.
    If the Phillies think Hamels can get a 7 year deal on the open market, then I’m afraid he’s good as gone, especially if the Yankees open the vault for him.

  9. Richards has a small dick.
    Ironically, Jeff is hung like an elephant trunk, but his right is lower than his left. Strange, eh?

  10. Hamels is gone.
    Accept it and move on.

  11. Can’t believe the people willing to just let Cole go. I don’t care if he wants 10 years… GIVE IT TO HIM.
    He’s been better than most current major league pitchers were up to this point in his career and shows no reason why he won’t get better. He’s worth more at this point than Halladay or Lee. He’s the most important player to this organization for the next decade.
    Let him walk and you’re basically saying “welp, we had our run. We’re going to go back to not really giving a shit about this team.” And then we’ll have another 20 years (or more) till the next World Series championship.
    Trade whoever you have to to make room in the budget for Hamels. Do WHATEVER it takes to make sure he stays. You do NOT give up extremely talented, extremely competitive and extremely successful 20-something left handed starting pitchers. You. Just. Don’t. Do. It.

  12. At this point I’d be willing to trade any single person on this team if it meant keeping Cole. I can’t understand how anybody doesn’t see him as our most valuable asset.
    And DeSean was driving an Escalade I believe.

  13. Never mind, just looked at the pictures on the TMZ article. I had heard that it was an Escalade.

  14. @JT
    I don’t WANT Cole to go, but anyone that hasn’t KNOWN that this guy was gone as soon as free agency hits for him, they’re terribly naive.

  15. Can’t wait for the Jay Z festival….yikes…how could the city allow that?

  16. JT, you are wrong, especially about saying we go back to 20 years of bad baseball again. people just do not understand anymore that the phillies are the yankees now. they will never have hopeless summers of baseball. as long as the fans come to the park, they will have a 150 mill plus payroll.
    and enough about restocking the farm. Teams like the phillies/yanks/red sox never have good farm teams…why? because develop the farm players, and ship them off for pricey talented veterans. The yanks farm system SUCKS right now and so do most other big market teams (except Texas).
    the phils will likely sign hamels to a 6 year deal, play wtih teh team they have, develop some young guys and trade them for pieces they need

  17. polanco's bulbous dome peice.

    May 14, 2012 at 10:38 am

    I hope Eskin dies in a beard trimming accident. Him and Cataldi are the two worst personalities in Philly sports media. THE ABSOLUTE WORST.

  18. @Stevie Radio
    I know no one wants Cole to walk. And I agree that when free agency hits he is as good as gone. But the Phillies can’t let it get to that point. I was commenting on the fact that it seems so many people are resigned to that happening, and that’s just unacceptable. I’ll be unbelievably upset with the FO when (if) that happens. I don’t think it’s a forgone conclusion yet.
    @TR
    I didn’t say anything about restocking the farm. But the Phils are dangerously close to allowing it to get to the point where they stop having the fans come out in droves as they are now. When (if) that happens, where they aren’t as competitive, the fans will stop coming in the numbers they are now. And the payroll will suffer. I don’t want it to happen. I don’t think it has to happen. But it absolutely could happen. And my personal opinion is that if they let Cole walk, that starts the process of that happening.

  19. mike richards

    May 14, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Went through the cheerleader pics. I wouldn’t fuck any of those girls with carter’s dick. Cankles. Lots of cankles.

  20. You almost have to sign Hamels to a contract. With Lee and Halladay in there 30s already, you have to start rebuilding with young pitchers…and I don’t think we have anyone in the Farm System ready to step up yet.
    On a side note: 2011 Hamels-no run support is now 2012 Halladay no run support.

  21. Ryan Howard's healed left leg

    May 14, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Been crowing all year we are going to keep Cole….now I’m positive he’s gone unfortunately.
    7 years isn’t bad (35 is a good age to leave the team), but the money he will command is just not in the books for the Phillies. I’m sure they could back load the contract but it’s just not feasible considering the money can be used in other areas.
    I don’t know anymore. Whatever happens, I hope we leave with something.

  22. @JT
    I hear ya. Unfortunately I think the exact opposite and that it IS a foregone conclusion.
    The fact that he threw a pitch this year without a new deal solidified it for me.

  23. carter looks c0ked up. look at his jaw

  24. D Jax’s car is a baby blue Bentley GT Coupe

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