Jonathan Papelbon Thinks Home Plate Umpire D.J. Reyburn Sucks, Suggests He Be Fired or Demoted

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Mr. Ocho is not happy with you, Blue. You are, ostensibly, not his boy.

After being just one victim of D.J. Reyburn’s penis tip-sized strike zone last night, Jonathan Papelbon had a few suggestions for what Major League Baseball should do with the triple-A call-up umpire. He thinks Reyburn should be fired or demoted.

"I said you know you messed that call up. And then I guess he was motioning for Charlie. [I said] I just want to ask you a question. I just want to ask you a question. And then the other umpire came over, he said what are you doing or whatever. I said I want to ask him a question. He wouldn’t let me even ask him a question. I wanted to know if he could throw me out for what I was thinking. I thought he was terrible. All day. It was not just that pitch, all day. I wanted to know if he could throw me out for what I was thinking. And if he could… I thought he sucked. I mean, it’s that simple.

He’s a triple-A guy.

Doesn’t surprise me. Doesn’t surprise me. Probably needs to go back to triple-A. That’s not a knock on him, that’s not a knock on the umpires. You’re up in the Big Leagues for a reason– to do a good job. And when you don’t do a good job, you should be demoted or fired. It’s just like anybody’s job. It’s just like like ya’lls job, it’s just like my job. If I don’t do my job, I go down to triple-A. You know? There’s just no room for that up here. Like I said, it’s not a knock on the umpires. It’s the intergrity of the game. You know? You want to be able to go out there and play the game the way it should be played. That’s it."

 

Ocho Cinco, or Papelbon (whichever one was talking there), should expect a fine from an enraged Bud Selig shortly.  

Papelbon isn’t wrong, however. Reyburn’s strike zone was minuscule all night, something you could even tell from where I was seated in section 306.  

The part that stands out to me, though, isn’t the fired and demoted portion of Papelbon’s comments– it’s the mind-fuck he was supposedly working when he approached Reyburn. I wanted to know if he could throw me out for what I was thinking. That’s some progressive shit right there. It’s like a guy talking to a girl in a bar, pretending to listen, but really wondering if she knows that he’s playing a game of mental Pictionary trying to figure out the color of her panties. We’ve never seen that tactic employed with an umpire, and we applaud Papelbon for it.

Somewhere, Yoda nods in approval. Right, you are, Cinco.

UPDATE: As one person pointed out in the comments, the late Jim Valvano used a similar tactic to get T'd up when he was a coach. Quote #5.

Video of Papelbon's comments after the jump.

26 Comments

  1. Jon Crappelbon

    June 5, 2012 at 9:01 am

    That’s actually a play off the late-great Jimmy V quote, Kyle. Get you shit together man and learn some sports.

  2. The same can be said for some of his teammates, maybe they should go back to AAA, Pence, Victorino, Rollins

  3. Section 306 – where the real media outlets cover games.
    Dude you’re a fucking joke.

  4. Veiny Dick Man

    June 5, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Paps doing the smear!

  5. Cinco Ocho, not Ocho Cinco

  6. Sidney Crosby

    June 5, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Geez, what a freakin’ crybaby….

  7. Did the nose bleed from the ham & egger seats cause you to confuse Papelbon with Chad Johnson?

  8. phils stink

  9. Kyle, did you watch the game? the strike zone was not “miniscule” and thats why there was a problem. the ump was calling high strikes, low strikes and way outside pitches strikes all game long. when Paps got squeezed in the 9th, thats why he was annoyed and he was right to be. Umpire cannot have a certain strike zone from innings 1-8 and then have a different one in the 9th.

  10. SERIOUSLY, I NEVER COMMENT THESE THINGS. BUT I HAD TO SAY, WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WHERE KYLE WAS SITTING, HE COULD HAVE BEEN SITTING IN 400 LEVEL IT DOESNT MATTER. I WAS AT THE GAME LAST NIGHT AS WELL. YOU DONT HAVE TO HAVE A VIEW OF THE PLATE TO TELL IF THE UMPIRE IS HAVING A SHIT NIGHT. YOU CAN TELL BY THE DISPLEASURE OF THE PLAYERS AND THE CROWD. THE UMPIRE SUCKED ASS LAST NIGHT, REGARDLESS OF THE SEAT YOU WERE IN.

  11. I didn’t catch the first 8, so i assume those disciplined Phils hitters must of worked a dozen walks last night given the miniscule strike zone?
    Your 2012 Phils, full of excuses, living in denial in a country club mentality. No Jam.

  12. Rob…Y U Mad Bro?

  13. Can we talk about Charlie marching two below-average right handed hitters to the plate down one run in the bottom of the ninth? Was it past his bedtime? Was he sleeping already? What the hell?

  14. So nice to see our 50 million dollar closer blaming umps for him not being able to locate his pitches. This bodes well for the rest of this season.

  15. You heard it here

    June 5, 2012 at 11:23 am

    the 2012 Phils – NO BALLZ AT ALL
    Juan Samuel – an effing joke
    Greg Gross – can someone tell me if the Phils batters look better now than they did with Milt? I’m so FUCKING sick of 6 pitch innings.
    Pence, Rollins, Victorino & Wiggington – all or them SUCK, first-pitch suckers – can’t work a count, can’t move runners – SUCK SUCK SUCK
    can’t get a ball in play with a man on third and 1 out
    Pence hitting .203 w/RISP
    Jimmy hitting .200 w/RISP
    our PHUCKING stars !!!

  16. What about the 2nd base ump who missed two calls in the 1st inning on Gordon?

  17. kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

    June 5, 2012 at 11:50 am

    I love all the people commenting hating on Kyle. Keep it up boys, as long as you get to where you can comment the man gets paid. Probably just some jealous assholes from other blogs.

  18. if u hate on kyle, why read it? just leave

  19. Think they will fine him $5,058?

  20. phils suck

  21. Yo mac, point is he DID locate that pitch. Perfectly. Was the difference between winning & losing a game where both teams had replacements in. Has every right to bitch about it.

  22. Surprised/impressed at the general lack of Papelbon hate here today, thought it’d be a slaughter

  23. At least Pap is showing some passion for the game. The rest of the team probably was already thinking about what to do with all the money they swindled the organization for.

  24. bitch betta have mah HONEY

    June 5, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    I don’t like excuses, but it was a shitty situation for 58. He should’ve adjusted, but as a closer you don’t really have time. He probably pays attention to the zone THE ENTIRE GAME and has a good idea what he can get away with (along with chooch). To change that on a whim is shitty. But it’s still an excuse.
    And yet, ike someone said above, at least he gives a shit. Rollins is like a dog with his tail between his legs. You want to talk about being cooked, he’s been straight up awful at the plate this year. “I have to do better”. How many times can you say that? I’d love it if he flipped out and showed some damn emotion. At least make us believe you want to win.

  25. Remedial English Czar

    June 5, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    I think that you used, “ostensibly” incorrectly.

  26. Lots of bad last night. Bad first for the men in blue. Lots of poor effort by the home 9. Lots of bad swings with hitters counts. That seems to be overlooked. Popups and weak groundouts when the phils hitters are ahead in the count drive me crazy. Their outfielders are sliding around making plays while the home outfielders feel the need not to make things happen. This team needs to realize that they are in the cellar. Whether it on the basepath, at the plate, or in the field, they need to make things happen. Hannibal Lector said “Good things come to those who wait”. Waiting time is over. Time to make things happen.

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