Speaking of droppings, I just cleaned Honey’s (our recently adopted one-year-old Lab-Whippet mix) shit for the first time… and I’m still throwing up in my mouth. There has to be a better way. We’ve figured out how to do everything in our society. Hurl over an ocean at 550 mph to reach foreign lands? Done. Stream images, audio and text wirelessly to little handheld devices? Not a problem. Turn beer into a shitty faux margarita. Of course.
But the one thing we’ve ignored, for like thousands of years, is the manner in which we clean up our dogs’ shits. Oh, have a fucking robot vehicle with four badass wheels gently parachute down onto fucking Mars and then take hot self-pics as it rolls around another planet just grabbing shit and analyzing it for humans millions of miles away? Absolutely! But no, sorry, you still have to clean up disgusting dog feces with a plastic bag or a half-assed shovel-looking scooper that, apparently, NEVER GRABS THE ENTIRE POOP (!!!).
I’m pretty split down the middle politically, and so I’m still a coveted swing voter. I’m saying it now that I’ll vote for whichever candidate or his VP offers up a solution to fix dog shit cleanup. Taxes, social security, Medicare. Do whatever. Just give me a something so I never, never have to go what I just went through again.
Let’s get to the droppings of an Avian variety. Because Bird is the word today.
First, let’s talk about this play from King Dunlap and his complete failure to pickup the obvious block, which resulted in a fumble. Look:
It’s like those AI glitches in Madden when a blocker passes up on the most obvious target because he’s programmed to seek someone lined up in the secondary… or, in Dumblap’s case, the guy eating a cheesesteak in the first row. Thankfully, his slow and cumbersomeness saved the Eagles, as he was able to toe-tap Ray Lewis, who picked up the loose ball, before Michael Vick delivered a choke slam to his criminal buddy. [I don’t even write that to be snarky... that’s honestly the first descriptor that came to mind for Lewis' relation to Vick. The NFL!]
Because the Eagles won, no one, except for maybe Lemony Snicket, is going to talk about this series of unfortunate events:
For whatever unexplainable reason, Andy Reid didn’t declined a penalty that would have forced a field goal for the Ravens. Instead, they were given a third-and-18 – a do-over, if you will - and, thanks to two penalties on that play – one by Nnamdi Asomugha and one by Jason Babin – the Ravens got a first down at the Philadelphia 15. The drive eventually resulted in a field goal, but these are the sorts of boneheaded things that Andy Reid still does.
Later in the drive, it was DeMeco Ryans whose HUGE sack forced that field goal. Hugh Douglas, I think, tweeted about the play:
That’s what she said.
What an enigma (don’t worry, uneducated folks, das not racist). Between the first quarter interception, his stubborness to turn every play into a highlight, and the beating he takes, it’s amazing that Vick is the quarterback of a 2-0 team right now. Actually, it's amazing he's still assembled. He’s like the anti-Donovan McNabb. He takes credit and blame, sucks for much of the game, but then – perhaps because of his cockiness and massive stones – leads the team on fourth quarter comebacks. I still feel exactlythe same way I felt about Vick last week (he’s going to get hurt and, if not, the Eagles still won’t win a Super Bowl with him), but he successfully shut up me and most pundits for the rest of the week.
Nnamdi… nnama… nngonnacoveryou
He blows. I’m sorry, I don’t watch many Raiders games. But all I heard about Nnamdi when he came to the Eagles was about he was maybe the best man corner in the league. Yet, what we continue to see is him getting torched by guys like Jacoby Jones. Then there was the afeormentioned assault illegal contact penalty that nearly cost the Eagles. And then there was the negated Ravens touchdown (albeit thanks to offensive pass interference). Perhaps we just notice it more when it’s a guy you expect a ton from, but I’m not sure the term shutdown corner should be used for Asomugha.
Pic via (@jeremykusnir)
Fred Ex was tailgating pre-game in the parking lot. Nice to see he’s making something of his life.
Something that has nothing to do with the Eagles– the most pathetic Steelers tattoo you will ever see:
Fucking Yinzers, man.
Finally, Eagles cheerleaders dancing after the game-winning touchdown.