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Winner

A new study says stubble conveys maturity and manliness: [Science Mag]

Researchers photographed 10 men at four stages of beard growth: clean shaven, 5-day “light” stubble, 10-day “heavy” stubble (shown), and fully bearded. 351 women and 177 heterosexual men viewed the photos and rated each face for attractiveness, masculinity, health, and parenting ability. Women ranked heavily stubbled faces as the most attractive. Participants said that the clean-shaven men looked about as healthy and attractive as those with a full beard, but rated the bearded men higher for perceived parenting skills. Light stubble got the short end of the stick, garnering low scores across the board from both men and women. The 5-day growth may be too patchy, the researchers write in the May issue of Evolution and Human Behavior, which suggests “a threshold of density and distribution may be necessary for beards to function as an attractive signal.”

I’m so ahead of this curve. I’ve been telling Ms. CB for years that I look better with thick scruff. She prefers a five-day light, but I’m entirely too lazy to shave once a week, so I usually opt for the 10-14 day growth. Here’s the thing: at five days, she’s all oh come here, you, but somewhere between 7-10, she’s all get the hell away from me, you have food in there. But now it’s been proven that I’m better looking at 10 days out. It’s science! For the first time ever, I just won a disagreement. Armed with facts, I am. This is a rare event, men– embrace it. Print this out. Put it on the fridge. Carry it around in your pocket. Grind it up and put it in your beautiful 10-day stubble! Whatever.

Kudos to the scientists (frat dudes?) for including heterosexual men in this. We count too. It’s the reason Justin Timberlake is allowed to be good-looking now…

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… but not then:

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Women have liked JT all along, but it’s not until we approved of him that his career really took off. Now he’s rapping with Jay-Z and stuff. Clooney, Gosling– same reasons.

However, none of this is new… all you had to do was look at Cliff Lee for the answers:

Of course, we don’t all have MASSIVE HANDS. So let’s just pretend this study doesn’t exist.

via Philly.com