Good morning, Philadelphia and the few Nats trolls who read this site because they have deflated self-esteem. You may have noticed our new look. Do read about it here. We’ve already blown the new server in just over 12 hours and had to upgrade. There may be some issues with the site today and, more likely, some comments made this afternoon may drop off. But that’s all just temporary. For now, though, we have some Opening Day baseball to talk about and – fingers-crossed – the coming emergence of Cole Hamels ‘Stache.

Let’s hit it!

 

But first, a word from our sponsors:

Lock it up. No, you lock it up! Godfather Locks is excited to introduce you to Steve Stone for all your MLB plays. You can (and should) follow Steve Stone (@SteveStoneLocks) and Godfather Locks (@GodfatherLocks) on Twitter. You know, if you want to win money and stuff.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… heroes in a half shell, turtle power. TMNT Quizzo. Wednesday night at Drinker’s Tavern (2nd and Market). 8:30 p.m. I’ll see you there.

Cheesecakes. Meet Ben Revere at the Sports Vault in the King of Prussia Mall on Saturday, April 20, from 11 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. Details and tickets here.

Hey, I know that girl! And you might, too. Girls of Philly has pictures of over 10 years of local girls, naked. Stripping and getting naked and stuff. You probably know one of them. Give a click and find out. This link is suitable for work, but after that, you’re own your own.

Do it like Tiger. Golf, that is. Our newest sponsor, Tour Golf Revolution allows you to play competitive golf by creating your very own PGA style golf tour. Their unique, open playing format will allow you to grow your tour faster than ever. You play golf, their site handles the rest. Very cool service worth checking out.

Throw it back! Monkey’s Uncle in Doylestown has a great selection of retro Phillies gear. You can shop online and use code BROAD to take $10 off orders of $50 or more

Wacky, wonderful, bunch of throwbacks. Celebrate the 20th anniversary of the 1993 Phillies with Philly Phaithful’s line of t-shirts honoring Dutch, Mitch, Krukker and others. Get 25% off all baseball t-shirts today. Shop right here.

Win Opening Day Tickets. Simply RSVP to the Phillies home opener and you’ll be entered to win $200 in free tickets to Crossing Broad Tickets. Use them for Opening Day, or use them for something else. Whatever you’d like.

 

The roundup:

Philly.com has a really nice season preview up today. Many stories worth checking out.

This guy stole 324 Phillies tickets. No more. No less. Allegedly, of course.

Joe Amendola, Jerry Sandusky’s goofy attorney, is defending a Penn State student who was caught with child porn, because of course he is:

Shulman is represented by State College lawyer Joe Amendola.

“We are still in the very early stages of Ian’s case, but we believe we have a defense to the charges which have been filed against him,” Amendola said. “We will learn a great deal more about the commonwealth’s case against Ian once we obtain more information about his case through the normal discovery process.”

Brayden Schenn rocked his Phillies cap today while walking around Center City with a pair of outstanding leggles:

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 subliminal Applebee’s ad via Kevin Matuszak, who I think planned this whole thing

Cole Hamels mustache.

Cliff Lee. Drunk. And with big hands.

The Washington Post took exception to this post from Friday:

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Kate Upton naked!!!!

Why the craft brew industry may be hurting.

Kevin Ware’s injury. Warning: highly disturbing.

Great Outside The Lines piece on how many athlete charities are bullshit.