Baby Bryce Now Afraid of Big, Mean Fence

Harper_wall

via SB Nation

Somehow I think that when Under Armour came up with the slogan We Must Protect This House and then signed Bryce Harper to be a spokesman (and then made a documentary about it and passed it off as a journalistic work), they never expected the walls of said house to freak out their 20-year-old star. More like: We Must Protect Bryce From This House… because its walls are big and scary.

Last week, as you may remember, baby Bryce ran into a wall in Los Angeles and cut himself up pretty bad. It was a traumatic experience for him. So traumatic, in fact, that Brycecakes is now afraid of the wall, as is hilariously demonstrated in this GIF.

We’ll let Washington Times Nats beat writer Amanda Comak explain further:

Screen Shot 2013-05-22 at 9.54.53 AM

:*( Poor guy.

Nats closer Rafael Soriano wasn’t as empathetic: [SI.com]

“With two outs and the tying run at first, you have to play the outfield so the ball doesn’t go over your head,” Soriano said in Spanish after the game.

“It may not have been a catch-able ball, but if we’re positioned the right way, there might have been a different outcome. With two outs, I could tell my four-year-old son, ‘You know where you need to play,’ and he would go to the right spot to make the play. It’s not an excuse, and I’m not speaking badly about anybody, but I think that’s how you play the game.”

Meanwhile, Phillies fan Mike Trout hit for the cycle last night.

24 Comments

  1. Dr Stinkynuts

    May 22, 2013 at 10:10 am

    What a fuckin pussy

  2. Nothing wrong with that.

    • Classic Bobby hahaha. Also always enjoyed you overcelebrating solo homeruns in the 9th with the Phils losing 12-2. Meanwhile striking out the night before in the 9th with 2 men on base in a 1-run game.

  3. At first I thought I was watching Pence, who makes that same move nightly and it has nothing to do with fear of a wall….Oh and Harper is a pussy…

  4. Hilarious. Finally a post about ripping Harper that is legit.

  5. NickFromGermantown

    May 22, 2013 at 10:57 am

    Let’s all pile on making fun of Bryce Harper, the kind of player the Phillies desperately need when their playoff hopes are currently around 10%!

    Also, I guess that everyone would rather have Aaron Roward sitting out 15 days instead of being able to play all those games.

    • Really!? We’ve played 46 games out of how many and you’re already giving up on this team!? Were we all not impressed by Ben Revere’s miraculous catch a few weeks ago??? Have we not struggled our way through the season so far to only be FIVE AND A HALF GAMES out of first place in our division with OVER A HUNDRED GAMES TO GO!? You band wagoners need to get the hell outta town. This is disgraceful.

      • Chooch is already hurt after just coming off the suspended list. Doc is out for probably the entire year. Hamels is 1-7.
        Utley is now hurt and is hitting about .100 against lefties. Revere finally broke the .250 mark after spending most of the year at around .200. The Big Piece limps like he’s Andrew Bynum. The bullpen is trying to set a record for allowing the most inherited runners to score.
        Yes, they are only 5 1/2 games out, but would you be so kind as to let us know why we should have cause for optimism with this team?

        • Because you’re a Phan and that’s what we do. We don’t cower in a corner because of a few thing that go wrong. There is plenty of talent to go around in our dugout and farm system. Time to get experience on those young bucks and expect much more from them to come. Being negative this early in the season will not help anything. And the phillies have always been a late season team as of late! No reason to fret until at least August.

          • hahahahaha!

          • Lafferty, Daniel

            May 22, 2013 at 1:51 pm

            Don’t say, “Phan.” That crap started with the bandwagoners.

            Everyone in Philadelphia (mainly Kyle) would have a huge crush on Bryce Harper if he played for the Phillies. He’s 20-years-old. Give the kid a break.

        • Because they have all those issues and they’re only 5 1/2 out! That’s why you remain optimistic!

          What happens when things start going right for them? Guys get on hot streaks, pitchers go into shutdown mode? They figure out who will be the rocks to handle the bullpen (I think those guys are there, they just haven’t figured out the order yet).

          If they hang and hang and hang, and somehow Doc’s recovery goes well and Doc feels good (if anybody’s body is going to say “hey, the bad shit’s out of me now, I feel good, like I did before, I’d bet it’s Doc’s) and comes back in mid-to-late-August, this team could go on a run.

          You don’t have to win 100. You have to be within striking distance and go on a run at the right time. This time could do that. There’s no reason to give up hope right now.

  6. his .972 OPS this year is still .158 higher than anyone on the Phillies.

  7. Hey Steve, why don’t you come over here and huff my wangalangadingdonk, if you know what i mean….

  8. I’m so horned up

  9. Yeah, we DESPERATELY NEED a guy like Bryce Harper. Check the splits, Bryce is hitting .135 vs. left handers.. What? Howard’s hitting a whopping .229 and Utley’s around .160.

    Give Bryce Harper a fucking brain and the ability to hit from the right side of the plate.. then I’ll take him.

    • Harper is 20 yrs old with huge upside making 2 mil a year. Id swap that for Howards 25 mil on the decline.

    • Bryce Harper makes $500,000 in 2013. Chad Durbin makes $1.1 million, Mike Adams makes $6 million. But yeah, we dont need him, our offense is great.

  10. Charlie Brown

    May 22, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    The bigger story here is how the fuck is Rafael Soriano not speaking English by now?

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