Taiwanese Ryan Braun animation via Busted Coverage

In the spring of 2011, just months before he tested positive for performance-enhancing, MVP-winning drugs – an allegation he got off with because he’s lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing cheater – Ryan Braun went to the Brewers about signing an early (and likely discounted) contract extension. That’s a rare move for a then-27-year-old still four years away from free agency who plays in a fantastic place called “Wisconsin.” But perhaps now we know why. Perhaps Braun knew that MLB’s collective bargaining agreement with its players association protects players who test positive for PEDs from forfeiting their contracts.

Braun signed a five-year, $105 million extension before the start of the 2011 season. That contract will begin in 2016. And it looks like this:

Screen Shot 2013-07-23 at 11.52.04 AM

Journal Sentinel, dateline April, 2011:

Both sides did so, leading to the announcement Thursday that Braun and the club had agreed to a five-year extension worth $105 million, a historic deal in many ways. The extension, which runs from 2016 though 2020, also includes a mutual option for 2021 worth up to $20 million with a $4 million buyout.

As further proof that Braun wants to be a career Brewer, a no-trade provision was included in the deal. To help the club stay competitive and have the financial wherewithal to sign other players, Braun agreed to defer an unspecified amount of the money.

Braun’s extension pays him salaries of $19 million in 2016, 2017 and 2018; $18 million in 2019; and $16 million in 2020. It also includes a $10 million signing bonus, which in addition to his $4 million salary this year brings his pay more in line with players of his stature and production.

The $4 million buyout in 2021 brings the total guaranteed value of the extension to $105 million.

“It was conducted more as a partnership than a negotiation between a player and team,” said [Brewers owner] Attanasio, who traveled from Los Angeles with his wife, Debbie, to participate in an afternoon media session at Miller Park.

“Ryan reached out to us in spring training about wanting to be a Brewer for the rest of his career. That spoke loudly to me and Doug. Also want to thank Doug. This is a major move for the franchise. It’s a very, very exciting day.”

What a slippery motherfucker he is. Hey, I’m probably going to test positive for steroids or HGH at some point, so let’s get this thing done now. HOMETOWN DISCOUNT FOR YOU, MILWAUKEE! 

Braun has lost nothing. A few million for the remainder of this season– mere change to him. Should he remain drug-free for the next eight years, he’ll earn every bit of $105 million, regardless of his production. His PED use and suspension are simply the cost of doing business. So despite reports and public sentiment, Braun made a fantastic business decision when he decided to have a needle jammed into his ass over and over and over again.