Highlights of our coverage of Former Five since 2010. In order.
ESPN is reporting that Donovan McNabb is lobbying the Redskins to consider signing TO. They will probably exhaust all other options first, but it sort of makes sense in that TO is actually a good fit for them. They need a bigger veteran WR who can be a consistent red zone target to pair with the smaller Santana Moss, whose strength is catching deep balls, and the other less experienced WRs on the roster.
At Saturday night’s White House Correspondents Dinner, where Barack Obama roasts members of the media, McNabb became a punchline himself, as he was one of many celebrities in attendance. Another? Pop singer/teenie boppin heart throb, Justin Bieber.
According to the Washington Post, McNabb asked Beiber for an autograph to give to his 6 year old daughter. Bieber, who was on his way to the mens room, told McNabb to wait until he was finished.
Tim McManus of PhillySportsDaily.com (great new site, check it out), reports that an Eagles security guard asked a fan, Jim Devlin, to remove his #5 Donovan McNabb Redskins jersey. They said Andy Reid made the request.
The highlights? They’re aren’t many, but what we do see, is a walking contradiction. He tries to paint himself as a guy who let’s things roll off his shoulders. What he winds up doing, is showing us that he still has pent up frustrations with the Eagles.
“Honestly, I think that I would be cheered. More cheered than booed,” McNabb said during “The Donovan McNabb Show” on ESPN 980. “No matter what the situation is right now, that I’m with a different team and obviously it’s kind of a rival, and it wasn’t by my choice.”
Michael Jackson leg kick dance
Dunk the ball over the goal post
Finger roll the ball over the goal post
With 1:50 remaining in yesterday’s Redskins game, Donovan McNabb was benched in favor of Rex Grossman (??), who coach Mike Shanahan thought had a better chance of leading the team to victory.
Now we learn that the Redskins have called in JaMarcus Russell to workout for them. Russell, who was once described by NBC as being “annually and incredibly overweight” (read: consistently fat), has been working out in Houston with former Sixers coach John Lucas (tangled web, weaving it- you get it). This would be like the Flyers bringing in Patrick Kane if they were concerned with Jeff Carter’s drinking, only if Kane sucked and was not on an active roster.
“Well, I don’t really want to start anything, but I did play in the Super Bowl and there were rumors where he couldn’t get our two-minute offense going at the end of the game,” Owens said. “I’m just saying.”
Speaking of McNabb, he will not be getting $40 million guaranteed, as was originally reported by ESPN. Adam Shefter breaks it down. Basically, McNabb is guaranteed $3.25 million, though if he suffered a career-ending injury this season, he would receive $25 million.
It’s like we sold Washington a lemon and now they can’t get a refund. Finally somebody else is learning that Donovan McNabb is generally unaccountable, inaccurate, and chokes in tight spots.
First of all Donovan’s pass was behind me and it was wobbly, but I had to take advantage of the opportunity that was presented to me. Right when I caught the pill, I kind of knew I had the yardage right away. I looked at the sticks and to see where I was at and I knew I got it. I felt like Michael Jordan hitting a last-second shot or Tiger Woods sinking a 50-foot putt.
McNabb will be covering the first two rounds of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament for Comcast Sportsnet Mid-Atlantic. He will appear throughout the weekend to give his thoughts and analysis on all that is college basketball.
Yesterday, while in Philadelphia for his fight against Jean Pascal on May 21st, Hopkins took another opportunity to rip former Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb for absolutely no reason. In the past, Hopkins has questioned McNabb’s ability and his heart when it came to the game of football. This time, he went completely overboard, implying that the quarterback isn’t black enough.
“Ill-informed statements such as the perplexing one Mr. Hopkins muttered recently are dangerous and irresponsible. It perpetuates a maliciously inaccurate stereotype that insinuates those African-Americans who have access to a wider variety of resources are somehow culturally different than their brethren.”
I really wanted to stay away from writing about McNabb today (or ever). I ignored his homecoming weekend parties… Yeah, let that sink in, let that percolate for a second. Donovan McNabb is throwing himself parties to celebrate his homecoming to Chicago. Who does that??? Not since Pee Wee Herman have we seen a guy publicly stroke himself in such a festive manner.
“I was there for 11 years, and the biggest thing we brought in was T.O. [Terrell Owens],” said McNabb. “Now they’re getting the so-called ‘Dream Team.’ It’s amazing, but I look back on my career and what they’re doing now … that’s great; that’s excellent. But you’re seeing another side. You’re seeing Andy (coach Andy Reid) taking that chance. It’s not just taking that chance on one guy. They’re taking a chance on a bunch of guys. And they’re spending money. That’s amazing. Ever since the lockout [ended], teams have to spend money.”
McNabb gets pep-talked by Kurt Warner on national TV (my all-time favorite McNabb moment):
This had to be the most emasculating moment of Donovan McNabb’s life– Kurt Warner – the grey-haired quarterback with a man wife who beat McNabb in the 2009 NFC Championship game – giving Five a pick-me-up just hours after his requested release.
The have your mom to send us some soup comment from Rich Eisen probably didn’t help things.
Donovan McNabb is playing for Ultimate Hoops Minnesota, part of the self-proclaimed best recreational basketball league in the country. Sweet. Perhaps Five could use another pep talk from Kurt Warner. But there is good news: McNabb put up 14 and 10 for Most Dominant Ever in a game against the Rockets. No, notthose Rockets.
“I see three teams in the NFL, right now, that I feel like I can add a little bit of flavor to it from what they have,” McNabb said. “I won’t mention those teams. But, if the phone rings, there will be a lot of decisions to make on that.”
Of course, because clearly McNabb is on the level with Manning. And because clearly coaches should have let McNabb’s panicky and pukey (unverified) self run the offense. And because clearly McNabb is destined for the Hall of Fame, like Super Bowl Champion Peyton Manning. Clearly. CLEARLY.
One thing is for sure, though: the three teams that Donovan identified as teams that he could “add a little bit of flavor to” are seemingly not interested in serving as a landing spot for the aged quarterback. Frowny face.
Goddammit. The last thing I wanted to do today was post about a conversation between Donovan McNabb and Skip Bayless. It’s the social equivalent of rubbing sandpaper on my balls. But… it’s hard to ignore Former Five when he gets all self-pityyieieyie.
Former Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb could be hired soon, but it wouldn’t be a football team doing the hiring.
CSN announced last night that Donovan McNabb will be joining Daily News Liveon Thursdays, most likely to say passive aggressive things about his former team and explain why he’s the greatest of all-time
I imagine those two had a classic the fans just don’t understand me fest. Meep, meep.
In just the first minute of this video, taken last week at the New Jersey sports complex, we see that McNabb’s post moves and corner jumper are in top form, but that his footwork on defense leaves much to be desired. Oh yeah, and something about a soaking wet wife beater, too.
Poor me routine? Check. Deflect (this time to defense)? Check. Drawing inspiration from manufactured wronging? Check. Blame front office? Check. End with a passive aggressive swipe about things temporarily being ironed out but making sure people know it was only temporarily and you still have some moody rage built up inside? That’s a Former Five!
Today, seemingly out of nowhere, Donovan McNabb decided to weigh in on the current state of things in the NFL, and why there are certain guys – wink wink nudge nudge – out there who could still maybe probably contribute to a team that needs an old quarterback who can’t move anymore. Wonder who he’s talking about?
By itself, the video is, at best, a heartwarming anthem… at worst, a loosely copyright-infringed version of Mariah Carey’s Hero. That’s fine. But it’s the song’s writer that catches our attention and, of course, Donovan’s: Wilma McNabb.
“After 11-12 interviews and the Eagles go back to the coach who spoke about going back to Oregon. Wow, seems there’s a lot of confusion there.”
As part series of Super Bowl PSAs ESPN shot with Hugh Douglas, the former Eagle takes a not-so-subtle swipe at Donovan McNabb. Old, but still funny. Sad, too. Mostly sad.
On Sunday, Patrick won the pole at Daytona (there’s something hot about that line, and don’t you tell me that there’s not), which means she will start the Daytona 500 in the front row. It was a big deal because she was the first woman to ever win the pole (heh) in Sprint Cup race. But upon hearing this news, obvious race fan dude who just wanted to catch the attention of Danica Patrick, Donovan McNabb, tweeted and since deleted (and I’m a fucking poet…).
Donovan McNabb will co-host a drive-time radio show on the newish NBC Sports Radio with fellow former NFL quarterback Mark Malone. The show will air from 3-7 p.m. on weekdays and will be available in up to 249 markets, apparently not including Philadelphia (according to the NBC Sports website, only NSR updates are available in Philly, on 1490 WBCB).
“Donovan McNabb. [boos] Don…ovan McNabb. [boos] Statistically, Donovan McNabb is the greatest quarterback to ever put on an Eagles uniform. [boos] But Mick, listen to how the people in the own city that he played for remember him. [boos] Why? Because Donovan McNabb could not win the big one. Philadelphia cares about its teams, Philadelphia’s fans have passion, and with that type of passion, they deserve someone who can win the big one. [cheers]”
“Is it a must win for the Heat or the Spurs.”
Blowhard Bernard Hopkins doesn’t like Donovan McNabb. And when asked by Howard Eskin his thoughts about the advice McNabb gave to RG III recently, B Hop – who was unaware that Former Five was spewing nuggets of nonsense to a young, African American, running quarterback – let loose
“Could this be the end of Aaron Hernandez career? Your thoughts?”
“Given the evidence we’ve heard so far in the Aaron Hernandez trial do you find him innocent or guilty?”
He sat down with Paul Domowitch for an exclusive interview that will run in the Daily News tomorrow. A few excerpts were released on Philly.com today and, in them, McNabb talked about being booed, the perception that he was an Uncle Tom, and the time Jim Thome allegedly said it was hard playing in Philly.
McNabb spoke with Richard Rys last month for an interview that will run in the September issue of Philadelphia Magazine. It covered a myriad topics, including the Super Bowl, being booed, when McNabb found out he was traded, and much, MUCH more. Shots at Angelo Cataldi, Mike Missanelli, Howard Eskin, Bernard Hopkins and, of course, T.O. And a weird thing about Michael Jordan being responsible for his broken ankle.
It felt a bit like Donovan was working on the Canton speech that probably won’t come. And his words were a bit… um, lofty for a room full of Eagles scriptuals and in-house personnel. But it was probably the only opportunity Five will get to do something like this. He did a nice job with it. Bonus points for the iPad, too.
Like, I’m actually becoming an RGIII fan because he’s being man-stalked by McNabb. I feel bad for the guy. No one should have to put up with that. McNabb is like Alan from The Hangover, if only Alan from The Hangover were an annoying ex-quarterback who, instead of roofies and unintentional hilarity, leeched onto your skin and filled your life with PMS-like passive aggressiveness at every turn. I’m not mad, Robert. I’m just saying, you should have ordered the Skinny Girl instead of the Don Julio. It will make you fat, like me. No one liked me once I got to fat. But it’s cool. We still cool.
Are we at the point where RGIII can file a restraining order yet? Because he should do that.
The best part is that there’s a tiered pricing system that rewards early arrivals, presumably so the party looks like it’s happening long before Former Five shows up. If you arrive between 7-10 p.m., tickets are free. 10-11 p.m.– $10. And after 11 p.m.– $20. Bottle service, however, will run you upwards of $350.
Now McNabb Tweets about a second party, which will be held on September 21 at Caesars, as yet another celebration of me! The trailer for the shindig seems… unnecessary.
I’ve been talking up these Donovan McNabb ME parties because Donovan McNabb has been talking up his Donovan McNabb ME parties– celebrations of a Former Five’s career scheduled to take place next weekend after Chip Kelly takes a poop on Andy Reid and after McNabb is honored at that game. And in what has to be some sort of metaphor for his career, McNabb tweeted out a promo for his party at the Pool After Dark in Atlantic City… but, problem: he told people the wrong casino.