Book Review: Quarterback Keeper

Kyle Scott —  January 22, 2014 — 60 Comments

Voila_Capture998Last week, I caught some flack from both the stripper who wrote a book, Quarterback Keeper, about her romance with Michael Vick and from some readers who took issue with the fact that I excerpted the book but didn’t read the whole thing. So, fashion editor Dan Fuller stepped in. The poor soul read QK this weekend. I saw his draft growing and said, “Dan, she’s not worth it, man. She’s just not worth it.” He complained that it was not yet done, but eventually agreed, and I hit publish on it as-is. This is his review.   

“From that night on, Vick would text me that he loved me, and love became a new word we openly shared with one another. He would even text the <3 symbol at the end of his text messages and later in his prison letters. Vick let me know it was love from that point and until our final conversation ever. A type of love that could last forever, even if we didn’t. Whenever we would continue to see each other I would usually have music playing, music that we both seemed to enjoy. Who would imagine that a significant football player from the streets of Virginia would be a fan of Phil Collins, and other 80′s artist?”

Consider there to be a giant “[sic.]” after that representative excerpt.

A tell-all book from the spurned lover and confidante of one of the most divisive and high profile athletes of the last 20 years. Bridges burned, the truth told, secrets exposed, intimate encounters shared from sweaty detail to sweaty detail. This should be a game changer. What if it were… boring?

Written with all of the gusto (and sentence structure) of a 7th grade book report, Quarterback Keeper offers none of these things. The author misses the point completely for a book like this: this either needs to be filled with lascivious details of their sex life, Michael Vick’s sexual habits, predilections, irrational dislikes, or it needs to use her unique access to craft a narrative that sheds more light on Vick’s state of mind not captured by NFL press conferences and interviews where his handlers can be sensed just off camera. “Here’s some facet of his personality that only I saw, and this is why he did this or that.” That’s the point of a book like this; not the author waxing (marginally) poetic about how hurt she was when things didn’t go well.

Perhaps it’s piling on, but it’s abundantly clear why this book couldn’t find a publisher. Kyle ran down the fact that it uses a huge font to fill out its 160 pages, but evident in his excerpts and left unsaid is the quality of the writing. In short, there is none. The vast majority of the sentences follow a rigid subject-verb-object pattern to the point, often with that subject being “I.” Not obvious in his excerpts is the lack of any narrative flow. The book is structured chronologically, but events are sloppily retold. In short, the common pattern used is, “I didn’t like this person because this thing happened,” written as if that event had been shared with the reader previously. The explanatory paragraph with the tone “I should probably have told you about this” follows a bit later, but any narrative tension derived from shading a new event with conflict from the past is tossed aside. Of course, the awful writing could be forgiven if it’s still telling a good story, but there is no interesting story here. The sex isn’t particularly scandalous; in short, he enjoyed having sex with her and vice versa, and when he was on the Falcons, he would have the type of crazy parties you’d hope phenomenally rich athletes in their mid-20s would throw, and they’d do a bad job sneaking around, watching other couples have sex. All of this is in the first quarter of the book (and excerpted by Kyle). Beyond that, the camera figuratively pans up, and any future encounters are summed up as “and he made me feel real good that night.”

The dog fighting reality is touched upon significantly more briefly than would be expected. He would leave the Atlanta area for Virginia for two weeks at a time, putting some member of his entourage in charge of the upkeep of his house in Georgia. She closes out the chapter with the obligatory, “I never saw him hurt an animal, and I don’t think he could ever let an animal come to harm” line, while earlier in the same chapter relating a story about how one of his pet parrots basically starved to death because the people (hangers-on, really) that were staying in his house neglected to feed it and when Vick returned, he didn’t put any thought to making sure it had been take care of. With respect to dog-fighting, his guilt is factual; she saw him let the bird be neglected to the point of death. How can the summary of the section pertaining to dog fighting end with a blanket statement that she couldn’t see him as the type of person to harm animals, when he’s letting it happen right there next to her?

Without the benefit of a professional ghostwriter, the author’s prose, if it could even be called that, is brutal. The excerpt above provides the amount of depth found in an “example conversation” in your 10th grade Spanish book.

Telling the story of the night they met when he was on the Falcons until the she ended things with him, there’s little of substance other than 160 pages of “men use love to get sex, women use sex to get love.”

A book about the leader and financier of a dog fighting ring, a star NFL quarterback, should not be boring. Quarterback Keeper is boring.

Kyle Scott

Posts Twitter Facebook Google+

Editor

60 responses to Book Review: Quarterback Keeper

  1. Patrick Bateman also liked Phil Collins.

  2. Is she white & how there are no pics of this slut??????

  3. Kyle, seeing as it is essentially your job to cover things like this, I find it a bit strange/disappointing that you didn’t read the entire thing in the first place when she sent you the PDF (when you merely posted the excerpt.) I do not doubt that it was incredibly awful, but it should take all of 45 minutes to read a large font 160 page piece of shit and then put the whore in her place.

    • It wasn’t worth my time. There was no nearly enough interest in the book to read the whole thing and review it. I was looking for anything noteworthy that would be of interested to Philly sports fans, I’m not interested in being a book critic.

      • You are obviously interested because its you that keeps bringing her up and picking on her like a little white boy ashamed he has a crush on a minority. Why else would you round up your friends to do your dirty work.

        She is a dancer and I guess that turned you on. Bet you will be the first to say something when her identity is revealed. Can someone say OBSESSED

        • Her identity will be revealed on Super Bowl Sunday when she is having a book signing in Atlanta to promote this pathetic POS book. She says it will be where she and VICK first met . Wonder if HE still thinks she’s the ” baddest bitch in da club”. Wasn’t he the one that put in his book Finally Free, that he once took pride in being able to look in anyone’s face and tell them a lie. Too bad, Kiana, you got punked. lol

          • Isn’t this the same loser bitch who keeps creating and deleting Twitter accounts to talk shit abut Bella and the book? You can change your name but you can’t can’t change your lame. We know it’s you and we’re laughing over here at how pathetic you are. You are too old for this shit woman. Grow up.

          • You are a stalker bitch. I follow Bella on twitter and I can see you changing twitter accounts just to ride her nuts and then talk shit about her. Grow up Bitch. I read the book too and I loved it the same way you told her you did. Now you want to join the bashing bandwagon and talk shit. White people. You will love a black man but hate on any woman of color. Mike Vick don’t want your ass and like Bella said in the book she don’t want Vick either. Crazy ass bitch.

          • And thanks for the Super Bowl Party promo. You’re so fake with your hate that you keep helping us and you don’t even know it. You make my job easier. I appreciate it.

          • What the fuck are you crazy fucks doing on here?

  4. I STILL BELIEVE YOU HAVE A HUGE BONER FOR BELLA ESCRITOR. NO ONE PICKS ON A WOMAN THEY DON’T CARE FOR THAT DAMN MUCH. SO SHE WROTE A BOOK AND YOU AND YOUR BULLY FRIENDS HATE IT AND HER FOR DOING IT. GET PAST IT. MOVE ON. STOP TRYING TO GET HER ATTENTION.

  5. I am a white woman and I read this book that is catered around a black love story. I liked it. The big font made it easy to read and the stories just flowed and made you want to keep reading more. I laughed a lot. Got angry. Ultimately I enjoyed it’s simplicity. Unlike your friend’s boring review of lies.

  6. You really do have a crush or something for this woman. Its her first book and you are trying to build any and every racist, bashing, news story off of it. Give her a damn break already. Pick on someone your own size and race. This is just too easy and makes you and your friends look a bit pathetic. Kyle Scott Sucks by Picking on First Time Authors. Jealous she wrote a book and you write lies on a blog.

    • I read this book and it’s a POS…. Maybe you elementary people would like to see a R- rated version of Dick & Jane. This maggot is attempting to make a dollar any way she can ( is that a surprise?).She says she has a “trade” in nursing. I’ll bet the ANA is fit to be tied. lol

  7. search for *tube January 22, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    Just do a search for any website with the word ‘tube’ in it.
    You’ll get thousands of porn sites with real whores having real sex.
    Why bother with this skank.

  8. Poor white guys who follow Kyle Scott. You call a stripper who wrote a book about a relationship with a celebrity a whore. Is it 1922? Have you never heard of Amber Rose, Black Chyna. Nene Leakes. All successful strippers with bigger bank accounts than you and your racist readers. Yet there are no classless pictures anywhere of her, no criminal records, and nothing more than a big letter easy to read book. “assholes”

    • Isn’t SHE white??? Poor Mike……. well, I guess he was the one who got punked. lol. I guess he picked someone that wouldn’t stand out in public….someone that would blend in with his entourage ….hood rat. She’s got to have a great imagination though; she said he sang to her…. that part had me cracking up.

    • WOOOOOOOO! It’s not about race baby! She could be purple with yellow polka dots and she’d still be a stripper who slept with a married man then wrote a tell all book. You can’t buy class like that baby! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    • Hey Natasha when you say “bank account” do you mean the safe in the hotel room closet or the suitcase you leave in the trunk of your car while blowing dudes at an airport motel?

  9. I’m not mad at her. From what I read about her on the Internet and heard around Atlanta she’s actually a pretty cool woman. Really cute too. She admitted that she isn’t the best at writing but she’s always wanted to publish a book. Takes guts to follow through with your dreams and I can respect her for that.

    I think if she isn’t claiming to be some amazing author and crafty with words then we shouldn’t fault her for grammar and sentence structure on her FIRST book. How many of us can even say we have a book?

    That’s like me, an award winning web site designer, talking shit to Kyle about the first version of CrossingBroad.com.

    You live and you learn, bro. Maybe she’ll take this criticism and become a better author from it. Who knows.

  10. Keri Is A Hater Bitch On Twitter January 22, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    JEALOUS BITCHES WITH NO LIVES.
    END OF YOU AND KYLE’S STORY
    READ THE REVIEW
    YOUR LIVES REALLY DO SUCK OUTSIDE OF THE KEYBOAD YOU USE TO HATE
    FINALLY, A REAL NEWS STORY.
    FILM AT 11

  11. Gee, Kyle …. you do bring out the best in people. Keep up the good work dude. Check out the the tweets on Kiana’s site about Mike’s wife. This is going to be good. ( cat fight)

  12. This book has set black people back 50 years

  13. WOOOOOOOOOOO! All the Jack Daniels in Tennessee wouldn’t be enough to get the Nature Boy to read that book! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hats off to you fir reading it. As for this walking hep-c add, WOOOOOOOOOOO! Let’s give her some credit. My strippers are required to be at no more then a third grade reading level. If they could write books about the Nature Boy, WOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ You’d need a library the size if the hall of Congress!! WWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    *strut*

  14. I looked at this dumb twat’s twitter last week and she kept retweeting the one account that had good things to say about her whore pamphlet. Lo and behold that account only had about 4 tweets from that day alone, and the only person following them was Asscritter. Bitch is about dumb.

    On a side note I’m sure Marcus Vick has been in contact with her to see what’s up with Mike’s sloppy seconds (and if he can hold fi hunnert).

  15. Kyle Scott, Genius January 22, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    Seriously, let’s stop for a second here and give praise where it’s due. Kyle has tapped that demographic of dumb ghetto strippers who will post 50 times a day defending themselves and complaining about white people, never understanding that they are making a young white guy more money with each page refresh. Kyle you can upgrade that Caddy to a self driving Mercedes next year if you keep these hoodrats coming back. Kudos, sir.

  16. Well the stripper has been employed as a writer for over a year. Do a story on that Kyle Scott or do your journalistic skills stop at female hate and lies.

  17. Angelo’s Inner Voice January 22, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Hey CB jackass, you’ve given that whore THREE columns now for this book, WTF? Why continue to give this skank the attention she craves?

    .

  18. I guarantee that Kyle has made more money with these comments and hits in the last week than Smella Asscritter will ever make with her book.

    Also you dumb ghetto bitches who keep popping in between snatch fumigations, as a matter of fact yes, anyone can publish a book nowadays. It doesn’t make you Mark Twain. Go mop the champagne room.

  19. WTF is happening here

Leave a Reply

*

Text formatting is available via select HTML.

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>