The Phillies Lead the League in Guys Who Suffer From Not-Concering Soreness

Photo credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Photo credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Add another one to the list.

Miguel Alfredo Gonzalez (whom I predict will never pitch in a regular season game) missed his scheduled spring start today because he experienced soreness yesterday. Todd Zolecki fills out my Phillies Mad Lib:

[proper noun] Gonzalez already has seen a [healthcare professional] doctor, and will see a [same healthcare professional] doctor again [a specific day or date] tomorrow.

“We’re always concerned about guys who are [non-alarming adjective] sore,” Ruben Amaro Jr. said. “But that’s all it is right now. He is [non-descriptive timeframe that is completely meaningless] day-to-day. He experienced some [noun relating to previous non-alarming adjective] soreness in the [relative placement] front of his [body part] shoulder. [statement downplaying concern] We don’t think it’s anything alarming. He was feeling [adjective] better today.”

The Phillies are short on starting pitching depth, but it was highly unlikely Gonzalez would have opened the season in the big leagues anyway. He has not looked close to ready after signing a $12 million contract last summer. He allowed four hits, four runs and two walks in one inning Friday against the Orioles, which was the last time he pitched.

Sweet.

9 Comments

  1. How the fuck does Spicmaro keep his job???

  2. MAG might be the only guy in MLB that could get put on the disabled list for excessive acne.

    I can hear RAJ’s comment now…..”We’re not too concerned, it’s just the right side of his face was starting to cave in from all the pus. He also felt a little discomfort in the big zit on his chin, so we’re taking the precaution of sending him to a dermatologist. He should be fine with a little Neutrogena and some laser treartments. We also think the direct sunlight won’t be as strong in Allentown, so he’ll start the year with the Iron Pigs. Bacon is good for the complexion.”

    • step 3: make her open the box

      March 12, 2014 at 4:27 pm

      I know right? I know Cuba is behind in the times, but soap isn’t exactly a new invention.

  3. We have an awesome scouting system. Just think we almost gave this bum 60 mil for 6 years until his arm fell off upon further inspection. He looks like the camera caught the exact moment he realized he just sharted in this picture.

  4. This is all the Phillies are good for this year, a good laugh. It’ll be nice to see them trade Howard this summer though. Bring back the Von Hayes years, the Phillies are back to normal after 6 years…. 1883 2 WS = pathetic

  5. Grampa .300 Montgomery

    March 13, 2014 at 7:27 am

    Quite the contrary, fans. Ruben is doing a wonderful job guiding our ballclub through some difficult times, while still maintaining their competitive edge. There are 30 teams, and only 1 can win each year. I like our chances with the fine team that Ruben has assembled, and if we can remain healthy, we will be right there competing at the end.

    Fans, there are still a few great seats available for most games, but with opening day fast approaching, they won’t last long. The Phillies remain one of the best entertainment values in town, and everyone in the organization is poised to make your experience at the ballpark a memorable one. Remember, the fans are our most valuable resource!

    – Dave

    .

  6. cous big hairy butt

    March 13, 2014 at 7:54 am

    what’s par for his face?

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