MLB Partnered With Match.com for Phillies Singles, but We Think We Can Do Better

phillies singles

The site above, where you can meet the fellow sad Phillies fan of your dreams, has been around for a little bit, but now happily lives at PhilliesSingles.com. It’s where you can go to find the man or woman you’ve been looking for who will also talk to you about how terrible Ruben is. It’s a sweet deal.

But here’s the thing: It can’t be that great, right? Kyle and I, well … we think we could do better. We already know there’s at least one couple who met through being readers of the site, and we think we can make another love connection. So, here is where we’re introducing CB Singles. Let’s get this out of the way first: this is COMPLETELY 100% ANONYMOUS IN EVERY WAY. We will not post about/pictures of/quotes from any of the entries. It will not be on the site for any of the public to see. But if you’re interested, send a picture of yourself, the standard a/s/l info, some of your interests, and whatever else you want a potential connection to know about you. All we ask is that you be open to a love connection and, if set up on a blind date by us (and you go on it), just report back. That’s all. Once again, this is TOTALLY ANONYMOUS and just for fun/to prove we’re better than Phillies Singles and great matchmakers. [Note: We may use the a/s/l info (no name) and interests to tell readers who we're pairing and, with your permission, post about the results of your date, at which point you can choose if you'd like to remain anonymous.] It’s gonna be a long, sad, Phillies summer, so we might as well have some fun.

h/t Chris Branch

15 Comments

  1. This idea is about as good as Tom Smykowski’s “Jump to conclusions mat.”

  2. April fools. Right? If not, please serve this fucking noob writer the pink slip because he’s awful.

  3. Also, noob writer. Ever heard of paragraph breaks? Goddamn I couldn’t even follow that wall of text

  4. Crossing Broad…where rapists meet and fall in love

    • Hipster Jim's awful taste in music

      June 12, 2014 at 7:53 pm

      Haha exactly what I was thinking. Just what I need is to be raped from some dude pretending to be a chick.

  5. By looks of that twitter account this page brought together a nice lesbian couple.

  6. Candy from the Oak sounds pretty hot, but I think I’ll stick to Ashleymadison.com

    “Thinking someone other then my wife, other then my wife, Ashley madison’s right right right..”

  7. Jim, tell Kyle, not everyone is stupid enough to cut their own balls off and marry the first decent piece of non-delco ass they bang. Also, most people who spend significant time outside the basement have no issue finding pussy. Let him know to start the countdown on her cutting off her hair and gaining 20. Also, let him know that he better enjoy his bachelor party because it will be the last time he gets to hang out with his “keg room” compadres without her tagging along or implementing a curfew… another one bites the dust.

  8. swiss cheese guy

    June 12, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    …count me in…

  9. Hey ,Jim… this isn’t Crossing Spruce.

    Troll for cock on your own time and leave us out of it.

  10. Kyle Laskowski

    June 13, 2014 at 10:20 am

    Oh count me in. I’m a 30 year old male who currently resides Horsham and I’m interested in the penises of Jeff Carter and Mike Richards. Tell people I make a six figure income if that helps.

  11. I Am Hoping To Find My Mother In Law Somebody To Meet And To Love .

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