I Can't Take the Trivago Guy Anymore

This has been bothering me for some time, but it seems like the Trivago commercial has seen more and more airtime lately, and I just can’t hold it in anymore. I mean, look, I totally get that the rugged everyman is a thing right now. Mike Rowe has made a second career out of being slightly-undressed and looking approachable and non-threatening as Ford’s spokesman. Toyota’s got their woman-nextdoor doing commercials while pregnant. Brett Favre is just like you(!) in his Wrangler jeans. Jason Kelce walks this Earth. Not standing out is the new standing out. But in a conference room at Trivago’s headquarters, something went very, very wrong.

CMO: Hey, I know! Let’s get someone that you’d go on vacation with.

marketing exec 1: He should look relaxed.

marketing exec 2: And like a dad.

marketing exec 1: But it’s the end of the vacation and he’s tired…

marketing exec 2: … from keeping an eye on his three children!

marketing exec 1: He’s out of clothes (because he didn’t pack enough, obvi!), so he’s re-wearing those weirdly-too-hipster jeans he bought from Frank & Oak…

marketing exec 2: … with that Old Navy shirt he wears while paying bills!

marketing exec 1: But it’s unbuttoned because he’s been trying to sex things up for his wife.

marketing exec 2: Who doesn’t consider Disney World with three kids the second honeymoon he’s been promising her.

marketing exec 1: Has he shaved?

marketing exec 2: Not in three days.

marketing exec 1: Four.

marketing exec 2: But this is turning his wife off more.

marketing exec 1: Totally.

marketing exec 2: And now he’s just about had it since a blow job is nothing more than a faint concept at this point in his life.

[me1 and 2 in unison]: SO HE GOES DOWN TO THE HOTEL BAR LATE AT NIGHT AND TRIES TO TIME HIS ELEVATOR TRIPS WITH SINGLE MOTHERS WHO LOOK EQUALLY AS SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED!

marketing exec 2: Of course, he’s lowered his voice an octave to sound sexy.

marketing exec 1: But it doesn’t work and comes across as creepy. Almost rapey.

marketing exec 2: And he reaches his boiling point.

marketing exec 1: Crying baby.

marketing exec 2: I don’t know what happens next, but eventually a body is found and there’s crime tape at the hotel…

marketing exec 1: … more children crying…

marketing exec 2: … and the police just want to ask him some questions because he was caught on a security camera getting into the elevator with the victim and that was the last she was seen alive and the next morning a small child with mouse ears discovers her body when he chases a lizard into the garden and now he’s scarred for life!!!

marketing exec 1: HOTEL?

marketing exec 2: TRIVAGO!!!!!!

CMO: I can live with that. Who do you have in mind?

marketing exec 1: Tim Williams. He played a doctor in Valkyrie:

…

I get irrationally angry every time Tim struts across my screen in his tucked-in shirt, belt-less pants, and MURDERER BOOTS. Why in the world would you have a disheveled pitchman who looks like Jamie Moyer after a three-day bender? There’s just no way he’s helping the company’s image. In fact – and this is not a doctored image – this is what Google autocompletes for Trivago guy:

When the top keywords for your pitchman are creepy and homeless, you have a problem.

In my research, I was delighted to learn that I wasn’t the only one who thought this about Mr. Williams. And the evidence goes well beyond a quick Google search. There’s a fake Twitter account (@TrivagoGuy):

Started off my day with whiskey and eggs. At 7 am. I have no clue where I'm at. This is fun.

— Not Trivago Guy (@TrivagoGuy) June 7, 2014

Follow that account. Now.

There’s a mommy blog that refers to him as “the kind of dude you want to keep your daughter far away from.” Mommy also asks: “What middle-aged guy has a 20′ waistline? And why is his torso so long? I don’t get it.”

But the best part may be that Williams’ unkempt appearance has worked on the ladies. He’s a musician, lives in Germany, and posts selfies on his Facebook page. Selfies like this:

This:

And all of these:

They seem to be working, too. These are real comments from actual women:

Tim, you’ve done your job well, even have we seniors hitting the DVR to save your commercial!! Well, me anyway. Some of those silly girls and jealous guys are hysterical for not understanding that you are the sexiest man!!! You do remind me of a young Anthony Bourdain. (another rascal!) Best of luck to you.

My husband has been teasing me….he said, “you have a crush on the Trivago guy”. I said, “yeah, so what?!?”…lol

YOU HAVE THE WORLD IN A DAZE WITH THAT RUGGED LOOK ON UR FIRST COMMERCIAL.I WAS IN LALA LAND..YOU ARE SEXYYYY!!!!!
YOU CLEAN UP NICE TOO LOL!!! SO GLAD TO HAVE FOUND YOUR PAGE A WHILE BACK…..‪#‎DAHOTNESS‬

Just saw trivago bloopers…..tooo funny! Your wife/girlfriend must laugh a lot at home…

Tim – I like your commercial. You look so cute when you finish talking, smile and strut off

Lovin it… always watch your commercial! Its hard to remember the add, because I cant take my eyes off of y ou!

I don’t care what anyone says you’re HOT HOT HOT !!!!

The joke’s on us.

Hotel? Trivago.