via (@ToddZolecki), WHAT ASSHOLE IS USING AN IPAD TO FILM IT?

via (@ToddZolecki), WHAT ASSHOLE IS USING AN IPAD TO FILM IT?

The Boston Globe’s Nick Cafardo beat the Hamels-to-the-Red Sox drum as recently as Sunday [via NBC Sports on Yahoo! which is actually just Jim Salisbury of CSN– content syndication, wooo!]:

The Phillies have been heavily scouting the Red Sox over these last two weeks, according to Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe.

“Don’t think in 30 years of covering baseball I’ve ever seen a team (the Phillies) spend so much time scouting another team (the Red Sox) and not pull the trigger on a deal,” Cafardo wrote in his Sunday notes column.

“Even after the trade deadline, the Phillies have had a scout in Boston, St. Louis, and Anaheim watching Boston’s young players. The match would be Cole Hamels for young players, and it may very well heat up this offseason. Hamels, according to a source close to him, would be open to a deal with the Red Sox.”

Wow, I guess Cole’s gone. Of course, Cafardo’s extracting page views and attention (not that there’s anything wrong with that…) and has a spotty at best record of Phillies reporting, including that time he reported as an actual thing a comment made in jest by Ruben Amaro to CSN that the Phillies tried “10 times” to trade for Giancarlo Stanton. And it’s entirely possible the Phillies are scouting Red Sox prospects for any number of reasons. Anyway, now all eyes are on Cole, so let’s read into EVERYTHING.

Real restate blogger Lauren Mennan, writing for Philly.com (WHY IS HER BYLINE NOT “BY MENNAN”?!?!?!):

Cole Hamels has put one of his two Newtown Square homes on the market for $1.55 million.

According to public records, Hamels and his wife, Heidi, purchased the 8,000-square-foot home in August 2009 for $1.53 million.

AH! COLE KNOWS HE’S LEAVING! Barstool took the bait:

Voila_Capture 2014-08-14_09-20-53_AM

Nope. He did sell his house… and then bought another one right across the street. Mennan updated her post. By Mennan:

But the Phillies pitcher didn’t move far, according to listing agent Kit Anstey of Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices Fox & Roach. Anstey said the couple purchased a home in the same development across the street. According to public records, the Hamelses spent $2.25 million for the home in February 2014.

Doh. So we can’t read anything into this. Let’s try something else.

Hamels took the #IceBucketChallenge yesterday. Video here. He challenged Comcast’s Matt Stairs and Jamie Moyer, Jon Dorenbos, Adam Wainwright and, because he was in LA, Clayton Kershaw of the Dodgers. WHAT? He didn’t challenge any Phillies employees– not Chasey or Rhyno or Rhyno or Jimmy or Cliffy or Ascheeeee or Chooch? Does he hate them? Does he know something we don’t? Is this trade all but a done deal and they’re just waiting to push it through because Hamels is a left coast guy and they want him to enjoy his last trip there as a Phillie?! Oh no! Hamels is gone. Gone, I tell you.

Wait, Cole is kind of a nerd but also competitive and challenged the only two pitchers in the National League who are arguably better than he is because, hey, that’s pretty funny? Ah, shit. Guess we’ll have to look elsewhere. Anyone have any other theories?