Jim: Shocking. Where did he possibly get this information? Was it from the hundreds of other times cliche-dependent fans and writers have drudged it up? Or was it the first thing that popped up when he googled “Eagles Fans” because of the aforementioned hundreds of other times it was mentioned.
Kyle: Maybe it was from Bill Belichick’s Zapruder room containing a vast library of old game and practice footage. But anyway, here’s how Hayden Bird (HAYDEN BIRD) starts off his Tuesday prose:
The fans of the Philadelphia Eagles, who, as a group, collectively set a standard for truly abysmal achievement in 1968, when they genuinely booed Santa Claus (and pelted him with snowballs), are apparently organizing an “invasion” of New England during the course of the week. The reason? The Patriots and Eagles are staging joint practices on August 12 and 13, giving Bill Belichick’s team some more reps against actual NFL opposition that isn’t merely a scrimmage. In football terms, it’s a fantastic idea, following up on last week’s joint practices with Washington.
Kyle: I love how he points out our abysmal fan achievement, in 1968, in the same sentence that he notes how some Eagles fans are so dedicated that they’re driving to Boston to watch their team scrimmage, because we can’t all record every practice around the country all willy-nilly.
Jim: Yeah. Maybe somewhere in-between those sentiments he noticed that a majority of those Eagles fans probably weren’t alive in 1968, a decent number of the dudes who threw snowballs at Santa are probably dead, and it all happened a year before the ATM Machine was invented. Yale had been admitting women to their school for less than a month.
Kyle: Honestly, I’d throw a snowball at Santa too if I couldn’t “tap MAC” with much convenience. Birdman continued, perhaps pulling a muscle in his self-indulgence:
For fans, it now presents an interesting competition. Though friendly in nature, the Eagles website still endorsed a so-called “invasion of New England” on their website, challenging fans to “paint it green.” It’s terrifying. Luckily, we have obtained a copy of their plan (many Bothans died to bring us this information).
Jim: Speaking of Birdman, the Snowballs at Santa incident happened exactly three months before the famous rapper Birdman was born.
Kyle: Dynamite drop-in, Monty. Here’s how our man finished things up:
They list how long it takes to get from Philadelphia to Foxboro, including the total time if fans walk (it’s 96 hours – and you’re sick for considering this, Eagles fans).
One notable part of the project is that two Boston bars are noted as safe havens for fans of the perpetually underachieving Eagles. Champions and The Baseball Tavern apparently look the other way on hosting supporters of the zero-time Super Bowl winners.
We suggest a counter-invasion of their supposed hangout spots for Friday’s preseason game between the two teams. It feels like the right thing to do.
You may voice your displeasure with the Birdman (@haydenhbird).