Please Add Boston Sportswriter Hayden Bird to Your Shit Lists

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Kyle: Hey Jim, so here’s a guy, Boston guy, who wants to remind Patriots fans that Eagles fans once booed and threw snowballs at Santa, before he was born.

Jim: Shocking. Where did he possibly get this information? Was it from the hundreds of other times cliche-dependent fans and writers have drudged it up? Or was it the first thing that popped up when he googled “Eagles Fans” because of the aforementioned hundreds of other times it was mentioned.

Kyle: Maybe it was from Bill Belichick’s Zapruder room containing a vast library of old game and practice footage. But anyway, here’s how Hayden Bird (HAYDEN BIRD) starts off his Tuesday prose:

The fans of the Philadelphia Eagles, who, as a group, collectively set a standard for truly abysmal achievement in 1968, when they genuinely booed Santa Claus (and pelted him with snowballs), are apparently organizing an “invasion” of New England during the course of the week. The reason? The Patriots and Eagles are staging joint practices on August 12 and 13, giving Bill Belichick’s team some more reps against actual NFL opposition that isn’t merely a scrimmage. In football terms, it’s a fantastic idea, following up on last week’s joint practices with Washington.

Kyle: I love how he points out our abysmal fan achievement, in 1968, in the same sentence that he notes how some Eagles fans are so dedicated that they’re driving to Boston to watch their team scrimmage, because we can’t all record every practice around the country all willy-nilly.

Jim: Yeah. Maybe somewhere in-between those sentiments he noticed that a majority of those Eagles fans probably weren’t alive in 1968, a decent number of the dudes who threw snowballs at Santa are probably dead, and it all happened a year before the ATM Machine was invented. Yale had been admitting women to their school for less than a month.

Kyle: Honestly, I’d throw a snowball at Santa too if I couldn’t “tap MAC” with much convenience. Birdman continued, perhaps pulling a muscle in his self-indulgence:

For fans, it now presents an interesting competition. Though friendly in nature, the Eagles website still endorsed a so-called “invasion of New England” on their website, challenging fans to “paint it green.” It’s terrifying. Luckily, we have obtained a copy of their plan (many Bothans died to bring us this information).

Jim: Speaking of Birdman, the Snowballs at Santa incident happened exactly three months before the famous rapper Birdman was born.

Kyle: Dynamite drop-in, Monty. Here’s how our man finished things up:

They list how long it takes to get from Philadelphia to Foxboro, including the total time if fans walk (it’s 96 hours – and you’re sick for considering this, Eagles fans).

One notable part of the project is that two Boston bars are noted as safe havens for fans of the perpetually underachieving Eagles. Champions and The Baseball Tavern apparently look the other way on hosting supporters of the zero-time Super Bowl winners.

We suggest a counter-invasion of their supposed hangout spots for Friday’s preseason game between the two teams. It feels like the right thing to do.

Kyle: Great idea, jackass, because that counter invasion will surely end well, what with Boston fans’ history of sane and rational behavior. 

You may voice your displeasure with the Birdman (@haydenhbird).

21 Comments

  1. fucking boston fans. remember that time after a phillies redsox game, somone beat up his wife? oh wait.

  2. p.s. i hate these fucking posts where you guys act like your talking to each other.

  3. K@cie's Vacations Days

    August 12, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    This guy is a zero trying to become a 1.
    At least he’ll get more twitter followers now.

  4. Fuck this weak ass fucking lazy cliche using faggot. Blow up hiss twitter.

    And these posts that have you two “talking to each other are really annoying.

  5. When will you realize this is GOOD for Philly fans?

    August 12, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    The day people start writin about how Philly fans are vicious is the day we lose our mistique of being the most hardcore badass fans in all of sports. So stop getting pissed and embrace role of villan.

    • Paul from Port Richmond

      August 12, 2014 at 1:12 pm

      I agree with you so much that when the Redskins come to town,I’m punching the 1st guy I see wearing a DeSean Jackson Redskins’ jersey.

      Yeah you guys might think it’s juvenile on my part but damnit,we might as well start living up to our reputation.

      • i so agree with you. it’s like when i was a kid and i got coal in my stocking at xmas. oh, so you think i’m bad now. just hold on to your hats and i will show you just how fucking bad i can be. lol

  6. I don’t give two shits what he says. Anyway, this type of “invasion” where fans are asked to “paint it green”, totally invite this kind of hack journalism.

  7. His nose looks like a penis.

  8. Red Sox 3 world series
    New England Patriots 3 Super Bowls
    Boston Bruins 1 Stanley Cup
    Boston Celtics 1 nba title

    Let’s see that’s 8 world championships in a 12yr stretch.

    I won’t even bring up the other nba titles the Celtics won,you guys would really be hating.

    This is why you Philly fans are so jealous and envious of Boston fans(just admit it).

    • ^ Likely Bandwagon Boston Fan From PA

      August 12, 2014 at 1:50 pm

      What part of New England / Boston are you from?

      Oh and GTFO a Philly blog you clown.

    • that guy..^^^^^^

      August 12, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      The lonely troll…no one to talk to…pretending to be a Boston fan…

    • I admit. I am jealous of the success of Baaaahhhhhhsstan Spwaats teams. As a true fan of Philly sports I’d be lying to say I wasn’t.

      But at least the accent of Philly sports fans don’t make us sound like we’re totally retarded unlike you people in Baaaahhhhhsstan. You guys are harder to understand than Australians or even Coco the gorilla. Steven Hawking is easier to hold a conversation with that the citizens of Boston.

    • Red Sox 3 world series
      **New England Patriots 3 Super Bowls
      Boston Bruins 1 Stanley Cup
      Boston Celtics 1 nba title

      ** – Cheated

    • Dear Stupid Cunt,

      August 13, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      Patriots have three championships. Same number as the Eagles. Since the whole point of the article is to dredge up ancient history, we might as well go back for them as well.

  9. Shut the fuck up men are talking

    August 12, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    New England Paintyourtwats aint won shit since spygate. And the Red Cocks blow as much as the Phillies So go suck a dick an say hi to your mother for me.

  10. Keep trying to pronounce your R’s correctly.

  11. “You guys are harder to understand than Australians or even Coco the gorilla. Steven Hawking is easier to hold a conversation with that the citizens of Boston.”

    Now thats fuckin funny.

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