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Today in absurd updates from Don Tollefson’s trial.

Jenny DeHuff, Daily News:

“Full restitution became a goal of mine,” [Tollefson] said. “My mission has been to make people whole.”

On Monday, Tollefson told the jury that toward the end of 2013, he began rummaging through his basement for things to sell. He brought in several items as evidence of what he was unable to sell after his arrest, including a Moses Malone figurine, a Tony Dungy autographed football and a Jamie Moyer bobblehead figurine.

Tollefson is charged with stealing more than $340k from his charities. His solution for the restitution? The same one you might have when you’re behind on rent. And he even sucks at doing that! I haggled down this super sweet Tollefson Sports TV SWEATER on eBay to a measly $20 last year (it’s unclear who the seller was):

Hayden Mittman, The Intelligencer:

Also during Tuesday’s proceedings, some confusion developed over how Tollefson had subpoenaed his witnesses. Several who were contacted by officers of the court reported that subpoenas were delivered to places where individuals no longer worked and were simply slid under the door.

Tollefson told the judge he wanted to subpoena several members of the Philadelphia Eagles head office, including Howie Roseman, the team’s vice president of football operations; Anne Gordon, senior vice president of media and communications, and Derek Boyko, the Eagles’ director of public relations.

Boylan told Tollefson to make sure those individuals are hand-delivered a subpoena, which may be difficult, as Tollefson’s assisting attorney, Robert Goldman, said Roseman is currently traveling to the islands of Turks and Caicos.

Glad to see Howie is at least putting his millions to good use and getting out of dodge for a few weeks the next six years.

But for real, I hereby volunteer to deliver that subpoena.