Voila_Capture 2015-01-09_01-07-50_PM

Must be February.

Reuben Frank, generally vaccinated against these sorts of whiny articles (consider Les Bowen an anti-vaxxer in this case), went hard after the Eagles today, complaining about lack of access to management after “one of the most significant front office changes in franchise history,” not because it would make his job easier, but on behalf of you, the fan:

This isn’t about disgruntled media not having access to the owner or coach. We’ll find other stories to write. We’ll find other people to talk to. We’ll still be able to do our jobs just fine.

It’s not about us. It’s about you.

It’s about a football team that charges about $100 per average ticket, ninth-highest in the NFL, but refuses to explain its thinking to its loyal and die-hard fans, many of whom have supported the team during its half century without a championship.

The Eagles don’t believe it’s important to communicate with you and your friends and family, and that’s their right, but it’s a real slap in the face to fans who spend thousands of dollars a year in tickets, parking, jerseys, food and merchandise a year to support their team.

Right, right. Got it. Us– the fans. But here’s the thing: no one cares. Roob ticked off a list of questions that he would ask (more on those in a sec), few of which would elicit an honest answer. Whatever Lurie, Kelly, Roseman or the new guy, Mayonnaise or some shit, would say in press conference setting would be highly scripted. Most reporting on the matter has unearthed that Chip and Howie didn’t get along, and when it came time to choose between the two, Lurie decided on the guy who is reinventing football.

Further, the same thing happened last year with DeSean Jaccson. The beats complained because it would be X months before Chip would be forced to answer questions about reports of DeSean’s impending demise. After the release– same deal: WE WON’T HEAR FROM HIM UNTIL TRAINING CAMP, OH NOS!

Voila_Capture 2015-02-18_09-48-27_AM

But… we will hear from Kelly and Lurie. Who cares if they haven’t talked in a month? Who cares if Chip won’t be forced to talk until late March, at the owners meetings? We’re seven months away from football season (ugh), and between now and Week 1, Kelly and Lurie, and presumably Roseman and Hellmann’s, will all speak to the media at some point. We will, in fact, hear from Lurie, like we do every. single. summer. during the pompously-nicknamed State of the Team address. The Eagles’ reasons for not wanting to talk right now, for not wanting to tip their hand on the draft, quarterback position and defensive plans, are obvious.

But, since Roob has so many questions (which served as his lede), I’ll do my best to answer them, probably more accurately than Lurie would:

What makes Jeff Lurie think Chip Kelly can handle complete control of personnel just two years after getting his very first NFL job?

Probably because he’s 20-12 after his first two seasons in the NFL with Michael Vick, Nick Foles and Mark Sanchez at quarterback. Because he’s widely credited with reinventing the game. Because he went from coaching at New Hampshire to four-straight BCS Bowl Game appearances at Oregon. Because Bill Belichick sought his advice on running an up-tempo offense. In short, because he seems like he knows what he’s doing and his former boss was apparently fighting him on every move.

Why did Lurie reassign Howie Roseman and pay him nearly $2 million to not be involved in personnel?

Because he’s loyal and rich enough to do that kind of thing to assuage strained relationships.

And what exactly will Roseman do on a daily basis to earn that roughly $33,000 he’s earning per week?

Go through the mind-numbing process of managing the NFL’s crazy-confusing salary cap. And process all maintenance requests on workout equipment.

What makes 30-year-old Ed Marynowitz the right guy to be Kelly’s top personnel assistant?

Because he’ll bring out the best in Chip.

Voila_Capture 2015-02-18_09-32-22_AM

Where did things go wrong with Tom Gamble? And if Kelly had been given complete personnel control a few days earlier, would Gamble still be here?

OK… now that’s a good question.

Why was Kelly so adamant about creating a front office where Roseman, the Eagles’ GM for five years, was no longer involved in evaluating and selecting players?

Because Roseman was gestated in a business school spreadsheet and has no concept of how to build a winning football team. Also probably because he’s a dork.

What involvement, if any, will Roseman have on draft day?

“Do you want one cream or two in that coffee, Mr. Kelly?”

There, wasn’t that easy?