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This Phillies season is going to be long and rough. So we’re going to spend a lot of time looking at and thinking about other teams. One of those other teams, the perpetually and ostensibly on-the-rise Washington Nationals, will be at Citizens Bank Park nine times this year. That’s plenty of time to get see Bryce Harper’s brand-new gigantic arm muscles in person. Seriously, that’s Bagwell-esque, and even better to swing some bats at clubhouse walls. Not that I’m saying anything.

Actually, yeah. It’s going to be a slow season, and not much is going to happen for the Phillies, so I might as well stir some shit just to entertain myself. So here: BRYCE HARPER IS ON STEROIDS. Definitely. Totally juicing. Canseco-level stuff. He needs to be stopped.

There, that should entertain us for a while.