Jeremy Affeldt is retiring. [Pour one out, I know.] He chose to announce it through a self-indulgent piece on SI.com in which he – literally – put himself in the same class as Mariano Rivera, Babe Ruth, Christy Mathewson, and Sandy Koufax because of his 0.86 career postseason ERA.

Once he got that out of the way, Jeremy dipped into a #hashtag Up-worthy listicle of #5 #things ##### he won’t miss about ⚾️. Number Five doesn’t love you:

5. The City of “Brotherly Love”

Hang on, I know what you’re thinking: Jeremy, do you have any idea how dangerous it is to insult the entire city of Philadelphia?! And yes, I know. I know all too well.

So first, let me be clear. Philly is a great sports town, with passionate fans and a palpable energy. The problem, though, is that the city, more than any other I’ve played in, seems to condone and almost revel in its fans crossing the line. Nowhere else in this country—again, based on my experience as a 14-year major leaguer and the conversations I’ve had with other players—is the opposition treated in such a repeatedly vile and borderline threatening manner.

We are out here to play a game, and even though we are paid handsomely to do so, professional athletes should not be subject to vulgarity, personal attacks or epithets. Sadly, in Philadelphia, this kind of fan conduct is far too typical. The irony is, while Phillies fans succeed in making many players dread traveling there, they also (not surprisingly) impact the decision-making process of those same players in free agency.

Sure, it’s great to play for a rabid fan base, but after experiencing firsthand how powerful that fervor can be when it is channeling extreme negativity, it really makes you think twice about where all that collective anger comes from, and whether you want to subject yourself and your family to that all the time.

Jeremy Affeldt is a big pile of poo who compiled a middling career 3.97 ERA as a reliever. He also pitched in two playoff series at Citizens Bank Park – 2007 with the Rockies, 2010 with the Giants – and was on the Giants for the brief period where they and the Phillies circled the orb of National League supremacy before Ruben Amaro ran the Phils into the ground while the Giants won three World Series. In other words: Affeldt played in some meaningful games at CBP, and spent a lot of time sitting in the outfield. If vulgarity and other assorted verbal attacks is the worst he and his mates got, then he should be thankful and realize that, sometimes, men competing in organized contests of strength and skill will occasionally become the target of rude barbs and taunts whilst they wait their turn to participate. Great men with great sacks understand this, sometimes even feed off it. Boys like Affeldt write about…

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… it was.

I didn’t read the rest of Affeldt’s dumb list, but you can right here.

H/T to reader John