Good morning. And happy birthday to Chip Kelly, who turns 52 today. He has many reasons to be thankful this… wait, no. Everyone fucking hates him… at least according to the always-skeevy agent speaking on the condition of anonymity. Matt Lombardo has the verbal crack:

“Chip Kelly has lost the team,” said the agent, who requested anonymity because of fear of retribution against his client. “Between the losses and his bull[bleep] methods that aren’t working, I can tell you that the players have tuned him out.”

The agent also raised the possibility that at least one player was using an injury to stay off the field, because “he won’t play hurt for Chip.” The player, he said, could play with the injury but has chosen to stay on the sideline.

That player sounds a lot like Jason Peters, who was reportedly going to play then didn’t play last week all because he was told he wouldn’t start. Whatever, it’s a murky tale.

But back to the matter at hand: Agents are notorious slime buckets. Anonymous agents are the carbon monoxide which emanates from said buckets of slime. You can’t see them, but they’re there, ostensibly, slowly trying to kill you unless you open a window and let them out to battle to the death with fresh air, their God given enemy.

There’s no telling which player’s agent this was. It may very well have been the business manager for a fringe roster guy with a bone to pick with Kelly. It could’ve been Drew Rosenhaus (doubtful). But it’s entirely possible that CO is speaking out of his figurative ass here, trying to slip a little odorless gas under the covers whilst the Chipper sleeps. That, or Chip has lost the locker room.