Chase Utley, Still The Man
Chase Utley owns the Mets. No, really, according to Wikipedia, he purchased them last night after asserting himself as their rightful daddy and laying claim to what has long been one of his many Major League Baseball holdings, the right field fence at Citi Field.
After a three-run double and four RBIs against the Mets on Friday night, Utley, hated by the Mets and their dirty fans for his takeout slide on Ruben Tejada in the NLCS (he did them a favor– Tejada was just demoted to the minors by the Cardinals), dominated the Mets again on Saturday night as the Stinkins celebrated the 30th anniversary of their 1986 team of criminals. In the third inning, with Doc Gooden in the booth, Mets starter and resident viking Noah Syndergaard threw behind Utley and promptly got ejected (!):
Utley, none worse for the wear but now provoked, took it all in-stride. He struck out, for the second time of the night, but filed it all away and prepared himself to strike back in his next at-bat. Which he did. Listen to the park audio as Utley shut up 50k booing New Yorkers:
Boo? Fuck you.
He wasn’t done.
An inning later, with the bases loaded, as John Smoltz reminded viewers that Utley can crush a low and in fastball (Smoltz knows this from experience, of course), Utley did it again:
Mets pitcher and centaur Antonio Bastardo, too, has seen this before:
And with that, Utley completed his purchase of the New York Mets, Citi Field, Mets fans everywhere, and, by extension, probably the countless victims of a Ponzi scheme. He is, in fact, The Man. You should buy the shirt:
Side note: Loading up that Utley-Syndergaard GIF, I realized I had another, similar-looking GIF in my files. And then I remembered, Utley has owned the Mets for some time:
