Oh shit– it’s gonna be a long season.

Here’s a run-on sentence explaining Crusher Doug’s first boner: On the heels of a report over the weekend that Doug Pederson planned on relaying offensive playcalls to the quarterback through offensive coordinator Frank Reich because of a misunderstanding of the rules on Pederson’s part in which Pederson thought he could only have two signals in his headset, stemming from the fact that he’s just doing what he learned under the fat, sweaty tutelage of Andy Reid, Pederson has revised his stance on the matter and told Tim McManus of Philly Mag that he may talk to the quarterback himself now so nothing is lost in translation, which is WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THE LEAGUE HAS ALREADY FIGURED OUT IN MUCH THE SAME WAY THEY’VE FIGURED OUT THAT FLEA-FLICKERS ARE HIGH-RISK, HIGH-REWARD PLAYS:

“That was a misunderstanding on my part. I didn’t have all the information at the time, and I just misunderstood what the rule was, or is,” he said. “But I can have the third one, which is nice.”

With that knowledge in hand, Pederson is considering straying from the original game plan.

“I’m still in the process once we get into these preseason games of deciding how I want to go about the natural mechanics of calling the game,” said Pederson. “Preseason we’re going to try it. It’s not 100 percent. I would probably lean towards me calling directly to the quarterback. It just cuts down a middle man, it cuts down time, it cuts down any communication errors at that point.”

…

“That’s the thought process that I’m going through right now,” said Pederson. “Not just the time-management issue but if I could just cut down on the communication process, because a lot of times you say something to one person and sometimes you don’t hear all the information and then it’s trying to get relayed to the quarterback or something like that. This way I’m in direct communication with the quarterback on game day, calling the plays, calling the game. So that’s probably the direction I’m leaning right now.”

I mean, I just can’t get my head around the fact that an NFL head coach used 191 words to explain Whisper Down The Lane in a wholly unironic and sincere manner. There are legit second graders who know that a phrase that starts as “Timmy plays darts” winds up as “Jimmy smells like farts” 100% of the time, without fail. OF COURSE CALLING THE PLAYS DIRECTLY CUTS DOWN ON COMMUNICATION ERRORS! What’s more, Crusher Doug just inadvertently dumped on Reid’s playcalling philosophy of relaying signals through the offensive coordinator, all because someone told him “you don’t have to do that– Andy is an idiot!”

Oh man what a shit show this is going to be.