Talk about an all-star lineup: the Phillie Phanatic, Al Roker (the Phillie Phanatic of weathermen), Carson Daly (the Mr. Met of whatever you call his job), and Chef Brian Duffy (the Phyllis to Jon Taffer’s Phil). That’s who the Today Show had this morning talking about Philly food:

Of course they had soft pretzels, stromboli, hoagies, tomato pie, and roast pork.

You know, I never thought about this before, but the Phanatic can’t eat. He has never tasted a delicious ice-cold beer. Never chowed down on a roast pork sandwich. Never ate a water ice too fast and gotten a killer brain freeze. Maybe that’s why he’s so excited to shoot hot dogs far away from him. The sadness that lives inside of his soul, knowing he can’t eat them, drives his insanity. He doesn’t eat anyting, runs around all the time, and still can’t lose that stomach paunch. It actually explains a lot.