Here's Ruben Amaro in an Apple Store

Here’s Ruben Amaro in the Apple Store in Ardmore. The pictures were taken by my parents, who proved absolutely that the creep apple does not fall far from the tree.

I’d like to buy a three-year-old Mac Pro that is woefully outdated and overpriced. I’ll pay for it and give you my iPhone 7, an iPad Mini 2, three sets of headphones, two lightning adapters and this $1,000 gift card.

Sir, you can just pay for it.

I’ll throw in a MacBook Pro and my beat-up iPod. 

Sir…

And my red BMW 4-series parked outside.

Unnecessary. Let’s see if you qualify for financing. What’s your occupation?

First base coach.

How many miles does the Beamer have?

To give you an idea of just how committed my parents are to the craft, their stalking even weirded me out a little bit, and I’m a guy who sat next to Ruben Amaro and filmed him for an entire game once:

That last one is presumably Amaro walking home with a shiny new Mac Pro but no ability to plug anything into it, place a phone call, listen to music, or buy accessories with the gift card he gave up. But hey, it has power.