Marcus Hayes wrote about the draft in a column that already had a sub-head and a hook by 11:16 p.m., when the Daily News’ back page was finished off, a little over an hour after the Eagles had made their pick and long before Marcus could’ve possibly finished his piece or perhaps even started it:

The narrative comes built in and it sets Barnett up to fail– he’s sort of like Reggie White, so that’s his ceiling. Great.

The article the back page promotes, Hayes’, feels like its tone and theme was pre-written for generic defensive player who’s not Christian McCaffrey and then filled in later with the particulars. The headline? Eagles fans who booed Barnett shouldn’t have. How cutting edge. Poop face?

Some of the green-clad throng on the Ben Franklin Parkway cheered; some grumbled, eager for a Christian McCaffrey or a Mike Williams, weapons for Wentz. Most shrugged their shoulders, dropped their beers and went home, anticipating the demise of Dak Prescott and Eli Manning.

“It’s gonna be Barnett,” said Ray Sharkey, 52, who lives in the Fox Chase section of Northeast Philadelphia.

He had his hands on the shoulders of his son, Declan, an 8-year-old with no bedtime Thursday night. The NFL draft was in town and he’d just zip-lined with his dad and, as he stood, mesmerized by the spectacular temporary amphitheater on the Art Museum plaza, he was a little confused as to just who Barnett was and why the Eagles wanted him.

…

Clark didn’t love the Barnett pick, but he did boo, either. That was fortunate.

It would be sacrilege to berate the man who broke the college sack record of the Minister of Defense.

“He broke Reggie White’s record at Tennessee!” Sharkey said.

“He did?” Clark asked.

He did. White had 32. Barnett finished with 33.

“I realize what (White) means here,” Barnett said.

White means everything.

“That’s cool,” Clark allowed, “but we’ve got Graham, and Smith, and now him?”

I’m not even sure how to digest what the hell this is. But credit to Marcus for managing to reduce the entire Eagles fan base into two guys on the Parkway having a fourth-grade-novel exchange who apparently knew nothing about Barnett other than that he wasn’t McCaffrey but refused to boo him because hey, he could be just like Reggie White.