I don’t have anything to add– just like the picture.

Let’s hit it!

 

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The roundup:

WTF is this shit? The Phillies were 11-9 at one point. Since then, they are 4-17. It is almost difficult to be that putrid. Commenter barbecue g sums it up:

I have followed the Phillies faithfully since 1964. I’ve endured entire eras of bad teams and bad baseball. This is by far the worst. The Phillies lost 99-games in 1969 and finished below .400 in 1972. That is it for sub .400 since 1964 until 2015 came along. This team is certain for sub .400 and a 100 losses is probable. I can glean nothing positive about this team. No players to rally behind. No ypung plsyers with legitimate promise. There’s not even a hateful or incompetent GM or manager to root against. How pathetic is losing the rubber game of a series via shutout and claiming a moral victory because your starter pitched well? This team is not even worth the energy of a discussion. Why any sane person would spend a dime to watch them is beyond me. In a nutshell, they suck

I agree. The narrative coming out of the game is that Aaron Nola is not dead – great! – but this team is about as lifeless, useless and unintersting as I’ve ever seen a Philly sports team. Even the Sixers, during full tank, were at least worthy of discussion because they self-created a car wreck attempting to fleece insurance companies. The Phillies just, flat out, suck. I know they’re in this quasi-rebuild, but there’s little incentive to be this bad in baseball like there is in the NBA, and worse, you get the sense that they were at least trying to put a respectable team on the field this year. And worse, their pitchers have shown no improvement whatsoever. Vince Velasquez has regressed to the level Steve Nebraska in a parking garage. Just look at this:

from Corey Seidman

At least people are coming around on Bob McLure maybe being the worst pitching coach in the history of baseball, at least judging by the results. I had written about this in 2013 when the Phillies hired him and again in 2015, and now I’m ready to update it. As pitching coach for the Royals, Red Sox and Phillies, McLure, since 2006, he has only once had a staff with an ERA in the TOP 20 in baseball (16th in 2007 with the Royals). Last year, the Phillies had the 26th best staff in baseball, and this year they’re 28th. It blows my mind that he’s employed. HE HAS NEVER HAD A PITCHING STAFF IN THE TOP HALF OF BASEBALL! Sure, he hasn’t had much to work with, but there has been virtually no improvement. And indeed, high-talent guys like Velasquez have gotten worse.

 

Marcus Hayes made poop today. I shall address it later.

 

Dude, I’ve been telling you how good the Eagles receivers could be with Matthews playing at his natural slot position. He’s instantly among the league’s best.

 

Of course, Peter King has them ranked 23rd in his power rankings:

So many things about this team I like right now, including the drafting of cornerback Sidney Jones in the second round though he’s coming off Achilles surgery in March, and no one knows if he’ll play this year or at what level. This franchise is being built for the long term, with smart two-year pieces like Chris Long plugging temp holes. On offense, Carson Wentz will have more help from a motivated Alshon Jeffery and deep threat Torrey Smith, and Wentz has to progress or the whole program is in trouble. The defense will miss Bennie Logan, and the secondary had better hope Schwartz’s front can bring some pressure; the corners can be attacked. But improvement from Wentz is the key.

That’s too low. They’re better than that. Though I’d be lying if I said I’m not beginning to feel like Howie is chasing wins this season.

 

Is there any doubt in anyone’s mind that the president and his wife don’t fuck, don’t sleep in the same bed and perhaps don’t even talk to each other? Have you ever seen a more miserable first lady in your life? Even Mary Todd managed to give Our American Cousin a passing grade when asked about the performance. I don’t blame Melania for being upset about being married to that orange goon, but she can’t even feign interest in him. You know what that means? Gonna have a White House sex scandal on our hands soon!

 

Billy Bush wishes the Trump tape never happened.

 

This is why people give LeBron shit. The Cavs are 10-1 in the playoffs and in no danger of not advancing, and yet he’s got to get prickly with a reporter asking a mundane question. I appreciate how he gets his back up and allows this stuff to fuel him, but jeez, lighten up.

 

Vinny Curry blamed his lackluster season on an MCL issue. I’m not gonna jump all over Vinny– he’s been really good to my second uncle or whatever, who’s his neighbor in Ocean City.

 

The Union won again. I can’t even pretend to care about a medicore MLS team, but if there’s anyone whose take I’ll read, it’s Ryan Bright’s.

 

Ryan Lawrence talked to Mike Trout, who continues to play hard to get and then texts us bathing suit selfies when we least expect them.

 

Trout crushed the Mets.

 

Joel Embiid and Dario Saric are up for rookie of the year.

 

Andy Reid, LeSean McCoy, Fletcher Cox and former Eagles (and current Chiefs) trainer Rick Burkholder attened Jeremy Maclin’s wedding:

Of course Maclin invited the trainer. Of course. McCoy reportedly didn’t kick anyone’s ass at the event.

 

Here we go.

 

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