First of all, look at the guy front and center in the blue coat. Literally, the first screen grab I made for this story captured the perfect portrait of a Patriots fan. Putz.

Anyway, I saw this fun tweet from Boston-based sports network NESN scroll across my Twitter feed this afternoon, and I immediately thought to myself, “Yeah, this definitely won’t ooze a sanctimonious, self-righteous and smug sense of entitlement. It definitely won’t.”

Roll tape:

This is straight out of Intro to Douchebaggery 101. Textbook stuff. Is this what winning 10 titles over 17 years does to a city? It makes its inhabitants insolent, pretentious, and unbearable assholes that are completely disconnected from reality?

Allow me for a moment to talk directly at Boston fans. Pro tip, friends – just because your sports teams have had an outrageous and completely disproportionate amount of success to what you actually deserve, it doesn’t make you the upper-crust elitists in the hierarchy of sports fandom. You remember Good Will Hunting, right? You know, that movie made by two Boston guys about neighborhood kids growing up in Southie—a story that really captures the essence of Boston’s mystique and grit? You guys all love that movie, don’t you? Well, it’s bullshit, you posers. That’s not Boston anymore. It does not represent you. You know who you are? You’re not Sean, Will, or Chuckie. You’re that stuck-up Harvard guy at the bar who’s all impressed with himself. You’re the guy everybody wants to beat the shit out of. That’s what you’ve become. Insufferable dipshits. Just listen to yourselves:

“They don’t have 5,000 people coming to their stadium on a Monday. To send them off to a Super Bowl. They don’t have that.”

You’re right, they weren’t out doing that today because the team, you know, didn’t have a sendoff party—probably because the organization and this city don’t require to have their fragile egos stroked every 20 minutes—the same, apparently, can’t be said for the Patriots.

“No comparison. Honestly, how can you? I mean, I don’t see them doing this out here. Like out here in 30-degree weather. Cheering. Thousands of people lining up. This is amazing.”

Wow, 30-degree weather! So tough. So die-hard. Give me a fucking break. A capacity crowd sat in single-digit wind chills for three hours on New Year’s Eve to watch Nate Sudfeld in a meaningless game throw three-yard passes to Shelton Gibson. I’m absolutely certain that no less than half of this city’s residents would voluntarily develop frostbite and later lose a limb–ANY limb, you name it–if they knew it would somehow help the Eagles win.

This guy.

I don’t know this guy, but I HATE him. I can’t wait until the Eagles win this game on Sunday night, and when they do, I’m going to pause mid-celebration for, I don’t know, ten seconds and think about this guy and the smile getting wiped off his stupid, arrogant face. I hope he likes apples.