Crossing Broad

CB Mailbag #2: Lindy Ruff's Son Doesn't Like Me Very Much

We're not even going to try to pretend this isn't a blatant rip off of Sport Guy's mailbag, but I really don't care. These are your emails, Tweets, and comments (unedited). Submit yours to CrossingBroad [at] Yahoo [dot] com.

We’ll let reader Jim Read kick off today’s mailbag with a Photoshop. It seems Michael Leighton has been located.

On to your shit...

Yo cuz, I wanted to thank you for the privilege of being the first email in the first CB mailbag.  It is an honor.  I will be sure to tell the kids I plan on never having.  Granted, it would have been better if you didn't treat me and my quasi legitimate question the same way Mike Tyson treated his opponents before the Buster Douglas loss and the face tattoo, but I am honored none the less.  Plus, that email was the equivalent of an Adam Eaton slow-and-straight fastball down the middle of the plate, so I would expect you to not only swing hard, but swing for the fences.  I would say you connected.  Well played.

Now for my question: On a scale of 1 to having-your-mom-tell-you-she-watches-porn (thanks HBO), how disturbing is it that every time I poo now, I try to poo the Phillies logo?  Maybe I need a hobby.

The Reddgie

Yo cuz, just wanted to know what we, your loyal and faithful readers, did to deserve such treatment?  You give us a great mailbag, and then boom, you turn all soup nazi on us, no second mailbag for you! Why?

The Reddgie

Well, The Reddgie, you’re welcome. Couple of thoughts: First, as to why you plan on never having children, that may be because you sent the email equivalent of a double tap to my inbox. If I was a bin Laden, I’d be well on my way to the virgins, which, judging by your prognostication, the awful Mike Tyson reference, and your goal of pooping a Phillies “P” (as seen in the first mailbag), is a category you probably fall into. 

Of course, I’ve been attempting to organically recreate the Phillies logo since the redesign in 1992, so... we're both probably a solid seven on a scale from one-to-having-your-mom-tell-you-she-watches-porn, or, to be more specific, "you found a yam in your parents' bed."

Regarding the frequency of these: 90% of emails I get are tips and links to stories, which are all MUCH appreciated. However, it is taking a little while to ramp up to these mailbag questions (read: send me more!). I wanted to be sure I had enough good ones and didn’t give you, the readers, a half-assed mailbag.

 

Hey Kyle,

Sorry I don't have a better pin point of time, but I think it was during a timeout in the second period last night. The Flyers have a new(?- I've never seen her, and I watch damn near every game) towel girl. She took gloves from someone and gave them a new pair, then Hartnell threw his towel at her. Missanelli is having a debate now whether this girl was actually hot or not. He didn't see her- all callers are saying she was hot. I thought she was pretty good, but I couldn't see her long enough to really tell. If you get a few minutes, could you watch through to see if you can get a picture up and take some votes or something? I'd love to be able to prove Missanelli wrong, and it'd be nice to spotlight her if we do in fact have the hottest towel girl in the NHL. Mike is trying to say everything thinks she's hot simply because she's a girl in a place where you wouldn't expect her. Just wondering if you could help me out here. 

J.T.

Hey J.T.,

You mean these chicks?

Introducing The Chris Wheeler Drinking Game

Oh boy. This is neat.

We are just hours away from the start of the 2011 Phillies season, a year in which the team will have the Four Aces taking the mound for the next seven months. That's a long time. Baseball serves as the background (or soundtrack) to our lives. Whether it's week nights with the screen door open or summer evenings at the shore, you can count on the Phillies game being on your (and my) television. That has happened for years.

There are many variables. The players change, the channels change, the opponents change. But one thing - one person - remains a constant: Chris Wheeler.

Oh yes, we're about to step shit up. We have elevated our Muffin coverage. Ladies and gentlemen, the Chris Wheeler drinking game. We're standardizing a set of rules for all to abide by. 

From time to time during the season, we will live blog games for the sole purpose of keeping score. But you can play anytime. Print out these rules. Post them in your dorm room, on your fridge, or, hell, if you have a drinking problem, at your desk. Put them in your pocket, save them to your phone, bring them to the beach. Whatever you please.

Just stay thirsty, my friends.

The rules:

This game is meant to be played with beer or mixed drinks. If you want to play with shots, vixen, that's on you. Every time Chris Wheeler mentions one of these phrases, you must drink the amount listed.

Where "context" is noted, Wheels may not say the exact phrase, but you'll know when to drink. There are two wildcards from T-Mac and Sarge for you to look-out for. You are expected to take a break during the middle innings when Wheels goes to radio. But if you're hardcore, change over and keep playing. No italics denotes a situation.

Here we go.