Crossing Broad

We've Obtained Pictures of Pat Burrell Day Drinking and Grabbing a Girl's Breast in Northern Liberties Yesterday

Pic via (@kelminusel)

It happened. It happened just like the video said.

Pat Burrell was out and about this weekend. On Friday night, he was seen at his favorite haunt, the Irish Pub. He was later with Chase Utley at The Cafe (right next to the Irish Pub), according to Philly.com's Dan Gross.  Then, as first reported here, he was seen dancing shirtless at the Pen and Pencil Club until around 3 a.m., when he left with a “mediocre looking brunette,” according to one tipster. Chase Utley and his wife were also with Burrell at the after-hours club. Deadspin unearthed an additional detail about that night: Burrell rung up a $158 tab and didn’t leave a tip. 

On Saturday, Burrell once again headed over to the Pen and Pencil Club, according to Deadspin. Darren Daulton was said to be there too, but Pat and Dutch were there separately and no additional details were given.

Yesterday, Burrell continued the party with some day drinking during Dayload at Kings Oak in the Piazza, where he grabbed this girl's left boob... but you're going to have to take a step over the jump to see the pictures.

Burrelled: Pat Burrell was Spotted Dancing Shirtless at an After Hours Club Early This Morning

Oh no. It’s begun. 

A video from our friends at BirdText.com warned us of this fateful day-- May 19, 2012, when Pat Burrell returns to Philadelphia to retire as a Phillie... and, quote, “fuck every pussy he sees.”

The Bat wasted no time getting after it early this morning. We’ll let an anonymous reader fill you in with this unedited email, which was sent at 5:03 a.m.:  

I work at a bar in center city and usually get done fairly close to 2am. So after a long night of work I go to the Pen and Pencil so grab some beers (don't know if you heard of the place). Well guess what? Tonight I get done close to 2 roll to the pnp and go to grab some beers at the bar. Guess who I see dancing like an idiot and wearing a blazer with clearly no shirt on underneath? The one and only Pat Burrell. I roll up and say whats up to him and go to enjoy my beers and relax. My other buddy from work shows up and points to the table that Pat the Bat is sitting at, and guess who else has joined this table of smoking hot blondes? Chase motherfucking Utley, sitting there drinking a lager. Needless to say, I wasnt surprised to see Pat the Bat acting like an asshole in the PNP at 3am but Chase sure was. He left a little after 3 shortly after Pat left with some mediocre looking brunette.  

 

Ahh! It’s happening. Everything is happening just like the video said! 

Somewhat skeptical of any email I receive between the hours of 2-6 a.m., I quick Twitter searched for any other sightings.

We have one:

It’s important to note that Burrell rocking blazer-over-bare chest at the Pen and Pencil Club is delightfully ridiculous. The members-only bar bills itself as “the nation’s oldest press club.” It was established in 1892 as a place for scriptuals to gather and regale each other with tales of the day. And to get really drunk. They probably got really drunk there. The club is operated by several members of the Inquirer, Daily News, and other local outlets.  

Burrell and Utley were always good friends and drinking buddies, so it’s no surprise they were out together. Quite frankly, the whole scene makes me a little misty-eyed, longing for the days of yesteryear when Chase Utley had knees and Pat Burrell could be spotted on any given Friday night dancing shirtless at an after-hours club.

Never forget.

UPDATE: Burrell was at the Irish Pub, too.

A few folks in the comments provides additional details, but take those with a grain of salt.

Jamie Moyer: The Ageless Wonder

"I'm going to throw this now... it'll get there eventually."

The man will not quit.

Jamie Moyer pitched four perfect innings for the Rockies last night in his bid to earn a spot in the Rockies Major League rotation. The old dog keeps reinventing his tricks, and showing that he's still a fuckin' boss.

Per Yahoo! Sports:

Moyer, a 24-year veteran who has won 267 major league games with seven teams, went to a three-ball count only twice and 30 of his 45 pitchers were strikes.

“Was I quick enough for you tonight,” Moyer joked after a typical outing with pin-point control and a below 80-mph fastball. “At this stage it’s all about progress, making a little bit each time. I feel I moved forward tonight.”

His fastball doesn't reach 80 miles per hour.

One more time...

His fastball doesn't reach 80 miles per hour... and hitters don't know what to do about it.

Moyer was a leader in the clubhouse with the Phillies, often telling the younger pitchers that they were fighting to take his spot on the roster. He might be saying much of the same to some of the youngins in Colorado this year.

If he makes this squad, no one is surprised anymore. I'm convinced that he wants to win 300 games and that's why he keeps going. It's almost impossible because he is 33 away, but Moyer is persistent as all hell.

He won't make that goal, but it's pretty awesome to see him try, if, in fact that is where he's aiming.

UPDATE: Gina Lynn's Ex-Husband Reveals The Porn Star's Philly Athlete Conquests

Yesterday, KiddChris, the former Philly radio host who now has a show in Atlanta (and the podcast available on iTunes here), invited back two of his favorite guests: Philly area porn star Gina Lynn and her now ex-husband, Travis Knight.

Lynn and Knight, who used to argue on Chris’ show, still sound like they’re married-- they immediately started bickering with each other. And, as is often the case with relationships gone bad, Knight (who Lynn also calls "Eric") focused on his ex-wife's sexual (mis?)adventures.

Leggo: [edited slightly for readability]

Your Morning Carts: I'm Going to California to See Richie and All The Philly People Had an Opinion Edition!

Mike! I brought the jet ski! I brought the jet ski! Let's ride!!

I like to fancy this site a bit of a democracy (also, it’s day 3 of dog-sitting temperamental dog and I haven’t slept and don’t feel like writing anything myself). So, last night, when news broke that Jeff Carter would be heading west to join his Oh Captain My Captain, the former One Eight, Mike Richards, many of you sent Tweets, texts and emails expressing your joy, fear, LOLs and excitement over what promises to be a sexcapade for the ages-- two millionaire friends, torn apart then reunited on the opposite coast where the hunnies are beautiful and the legs are wide.

Some of you even requested that we form a CB West unit to cover all the goings on. I’ll think about it. Because this isn't going to end well:

Anyway, what you are about to read is an aggregation of your responses to the trade. I’m not sure if I should be proud or frightened that many of you reflexively thought of CB when the news broke. Disclaimer: The thoughts and accusations shared in these Tweets, texts and emails are not presented as fact. Rather, the reactions of Flyers fans who have some familiarity with the duo...

As always, Jeff Carter and Mike Richards reaction aggregation posts are best viewed while listening to Dave Matthews' You and Me. [click play]

Your Morning Carts: I Went to the Left Coast to Get Drunk and Bang Bitches with Mike Richards Edition!

Oooooohmaaaahgawd. Wet Island goes to the left coast. Look out, vaginas.

Jeff Carter is the gayest straight man in the world right now. He has been traded to Los Angeles, where he will join former teammate and best friend Mike Richards, who lives about 30 feet from a gorgeous beach. All west coast ladies are advised to paint a really pretty picture on their ceilings.

An email from reader Dave:

Yeah, it's weird. Carts missed Richie. So much so, in fact, that he took a private jet to see him in Canada this summer. CSN's John Boruk explains the relationship: 

Now, a pictorial retrospective, assembled from across the interwebtuals and previous Morning Carts posts:

Warning: Jeff Carter and Mike Richards pictorial retrospectives are best viewed while listening to Katy Perry's California Gurls. [click play]

Parts 2 and 3 of Hunter Pence and Sheena Parveen's Lunch (Date)

In what world was this a good idea?! Like, how did that production meeting go? “Hey, I know... instead of sports, let’s just send the pretty new weather girl on a date with the single outfielder!"

“Brilliant! And if it doesn’t work out, we’ll have John Clark go with her so he can pick up the scraps! I like it.”

John Clark! JOHN CLARK! THAT’S who they sent with Sheena Parveen to Clearwater?! Have you ever seen John Clark's game? I have. It consists of picking up Jeff Carter’s leftovers at Braca’s in Sea Isle. Seriously. There are pilot fish with more shame than John Clark. So that’s not good. And then there’s that whole, you know, sending the pretty weather girl out to lunch with Hunter Pence thing. That thing. There’s no way this ends well.

Plus, what is it? Is it sports? Is it weather? I don’t even think Sheena knows. Listen as she weaves in and out and back again when she wraps the piece er, segment. Bumblebees would be envious of this sort of unpredictability. Poor Sheena.

 

Hop it for part 3 of the lunch date (mostly a mix of parts 1 and 2). Part 1 here. And next week on NBC, Jillian Mele gets a Brazilian with Max Talbot! Won't want to miss that.

Hunter Pence Performs "The Matrix" for NBC 10 Weather Girl Sheena Parveen

Oh my God. This isn’t an interview-- it’s an episode of The Bachelor.

Yesterday, humanity’s favorite weather girl, Sheena Parveen, a Tampa area native, took Hunter Pence to lunch at Frenchy’s Rockaway Grill on Clearwater Beach.

We’re convinced that the folks at NBC have just gone straight for the ratings kill shot here-- Parveen, Pence and (Let’s Go Eat) puns. This is like fishing with an atomic bomb... the viewer stands no chance against this form of alliteration.

Pence talks about the best thing on Clearwater Beach, crushing grouper (agreed), and shows Parveen his handshake, which he calls The Matrix. He also revealed a modified version of the maneuver, named... The Turkey.

If you’re starting to feel uncomfortable... don’t worry, so am I.

Pence last enjoyed sun and sand when he tripped to Cabo with Playmate Shannon James, who - I believe - is currently out of the picture... so, yeah, he's doing something.

Video after the jump.

This is a Picture of Jimmy Rollins and Pat Burrell Dressed in Women's Clothes

 via Jimmy Rollins on WhoSay

This is why it sucks that the Internet wasn’t a larger force during most of Pat Burrell’s career. This is the exact reason. Well, this and presumably the cell phone pics of Pat bending a cocktail waitress over a back bar that would have come out. 

Anyway, total victory here.

Last night, Jimmy Rollins tweeted this image from his and Burrell’s rookie dress up day (2010 and 2011 versions can be seen here and here, respectively). Is that a Desi Relaford sighting? I think it is. 

Burrell, not surprisingly, is rocking the cutoff shirt, a style that he sometimes wore under his uniform. It’s complemented by a grey skirt (with butterfly), a pearl-colored watch, and an I’m going to get so fucking freaky tonight stare. 

Jimmy, it seems, developed his swag pose at a young age.

No idea who the other three guys are, nor do I feel like looking it up, but I’m sure some of you can help in the comments.

Report: Pat Burrell to Retire

Sad day. MLBTradeRumors.com reports that Pat Burrell will officially retire. 

Back in November, Burrell told the Associated Press that he was likely done, but it seems we can expect an official announcement shortly.

Photo: Barstool

Now seems like as good a time as ever to honor Pat by reminding you of his existence as The Machine and the story of Max Talbot bringing girls back to Bat’s old Rittenhouse condo last year. Our friends at Drinker's will hold a moment of silence at around 1:53 tonight. We will miss you, Pat.

This is Julie Dorenbos Without Pants

Well, she has pants, but they’re made out of paint. Pants. Paint. Paint pants! Page views!! I'm dizzy.

The photo is after the jump-- it’s NSFW. That sound you hear is little boys everywhere honing their long-snapping skills, and, um, you know...

Very Important News: Michael Schwimer's Girlfriend Finishes Eighth in Bikini Contest, Julie Dorenbos in Preston and Steve Calendar

Uh oh! It’s a blondes vs. brunettes post. 

The girlfriend of Michael Schwimer - one M, as he once pointed out to us - Missy Coles, finished eighth at the World Bikini Championships this weekend. 

As you may or may not know, Coles is a female body builder and model. Our friends over at Busted Coverage were kind enough to put together a photo gallery of the competition and other select photos of Coles wearing next to nothing. 

Schwimm was a proud boyfriend:

So u know how there is a players wives/girlfriends section... im currently sitting in the bodybuilding boyfriend section #rolereversal

— michael schwimer (@mschwimer) December 10, 2011

 

Meanwhile, in long snapper news, our friend Julie Dorenbos, the wife of Jon Dorenbos, will be featured in Preston and Steve’s recently released 2012 Totally Office Calendar. The above picture isn’t from the calendar - it's from Julie's Twitter (@Julie Dorenbos), but we thought you might enjoy it anyway.

You can pick up a calendar here. Full disclosure: Not an ad, just a public service announcement.

[Related: Photos of Schwimer's Bodybuilding Girlfriend]