Archives For puck

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This post originally ran just over a year ago, when our favorite (NOW MARRIED!) puck bunny conquered roughly half a dozen soon-to-be professional hockey players. Sadly, there was no similar venture this year (that we know of…). So, while the sports world slows for a few days as we celebrate Bill Pullman’s famous Independence Day speech and I stock up on coffee, beer and Haribo Gummy Bears for our Flyers free agency running commentary on Friday, let’s relive the beauty and majesty of Princesss Sass, a tradition unlike any other.

 

Before we delve into the shadowy world of jersey chasing – puck bunnydom, to be specific – let’s rewind to an earlier time.

Back in April, during that series in which the Flyers embarrassed the half-assed hockey team from the western end of the state, we introduced you to (our favorite) partially cloaked Penguins fan: Princesss Sass, as she’s known on the Interrods.

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We first came across Ms. Sass when she posted pictures of some signs she brought to the CONSOL Energy Center to harass the Flyers. We then followed her solo travels to Philadelphia for Game 3 and, as recently as last week, featured her in our special puck slut PSA relating to the announcement of the NHL Draft coming to the City of Brotherly Love in 2014. Sass’ appearance in our PSA was to demonstrate the shooting-fish-in-a-barrel nature of the NHL entry draft, an event that sees scores of young, mostly Canadian, teen-something boys flock into a particular city for, up to that point, the biggest weekend of their lives. The weekend when they become men.

We have to give Sass credit. She’s taken our heavy ribbing in stride (even though I once called her a slore), almost reveling in her role as the stereotypical puck slut from Shittsburgh. But now she’s outdone herself. She has given us an exclusive, meticulously detailed account of her weekend at the NHL Draft – complete with pictures and screenshots – where she warmed up about a sixth of the top 60 picks.

Before last weekend’s event, which was held in Pittsburgh, Sass tweeted a preview of her outfit for the draft’s first night. For her and other puck bunnies (and I do wish to not be graphic here), the thought of bagging an up-and-comer who might one day drink from Lord Stanley’s Cup (or, less ambitiously, bookend Pierre McGuire along an NHL dasher) makes their underoos drippier than a protagonist during the rain scene in a mid-oughts romance flick.*

*Ryan Gosling vociferously objects! “I’m wetter and I look better! And I’m a poet.”

You see, hockey players, unlike athletes from the other three major sports, are fairly accessible. For example, if you were a jersey chaser and wanted to fuck LeBron James, you’d likely have to make it through long lines, VIP ropes, possibly a background check, a publicist, some posse and Mike Miller before you ever got near King. Then there’s a good chance you’d have to be taken for a test spin (perhaps simultaneously) by a few members of his inner-circle – sexual gatekeepers, if I may – to see if you were up to the task. With satisfactory performance, you might – might – have a chance to score with LeBron.

Conversely, if you wanted to bump baby makers with, say, Jeff Carter, all you’d have to do is wear a revealing tube top to La Costa this Friday night.

It’s just… easier to get with hockey players.

At the NHL Draft, it’s easiest: puck bunnies want in early and not-even-old-enough-to-shave athletes want their first (or second or third) groupie. It’s a perfect balance, this delicate ecosystem of fuck. And that’s where we begin our story.

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[Note: We’ve removed players' names from the story and texts. But among those included are five first-rounders, four second-rounders, two sons of former NHLers, and one (now) Flyer. All are 18, or younger.]

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Bryz campPic via (@plysenkov)

Ilya Bryzgalov is in Russia for the summer, currently hosting his annual goalie camp for kids. Puck Daddy's Dmitry Chesnokov was able to get a few – nay, many – words from Bryz on the CBA, bears, Claude Giroux playing in Russia, and other stuff. Some highlights:

On players possibly going to Russia during the lockout:

Would players like Giroux, Stamkos, Crosby play in the KHL during the lockout?

"Claude and I had a conversation about this once at dinner. Giroux said that he was afraid of going to Russia."

Because of the Lokomotiv tragedy?

"Not only. Claude says 'I have one friend who played in Russia. But he was kicked out from the club without paying. Hockey players in the KHL are absolutely unprotected.'  Canadians listened to different stories about our country from their friends. And it is difficult for me to argue because I have never been in these types of situations."

What advice did you give Giroux?

"To sign for nine years in Russia and ask to get paid for eight of them in advance!" [Bryzgalov laughed.]

 

And on Sidney Crosby:

Have you tried beer called 'Crosby's Tears?'

"I don't drink alcohol at all. But I understand what you're talking about. This beer was put on the market after Philadelphia beat Pittsburgh in the first round of the Stanley Cup. Yes, people in our city don't like Crosby very much. But the feelings towards Evgeni Malkin are very different."

Because of the perception Crosby used to asking for penalties?

"Maybe. I haven't figured it out in one season. But in Philadelphia no one paints Malkin as a ballerina like what happened to Crosby in the playoffs. Evgeni is depicted as a Russian bear."

 

Yeah, I'm not sure that's the case. But whatever. You can read the full interview over at Puck Daddy.

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I'm convinced that girl in the background is Liz Lemon… or just eye-fucking Claude Giroux as her boy toy get his text on

Ew. Check your shoes– it smells like someone stepped in dog shit. 

I wish there was a way that words could accurately diagram the Flyers' play in the first period. There’s not, because there isn't word that evokes an image of the Cheshire Cat aimlessly and lethargically running into an oncoming truck and watching carelessly as said truck barrels away carrying with it a piece of the pussy's soul.

On second thought, that probably paints a pretty good picture.

I liked our friend Ryan Bright's take too:

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I tweeted after the first period that the Flyers unofficial turnover count was 602. I was joking, but I may have only been off by a dozen or so. The Flyers never had it, and despite a brief third period surge, lost to the Islanders, 4-1. It’s the first time the Flyers have lost at home to the Islanders since 2007, or, since Mike Richards was the next Bobby Clarke.

Matt Read’s goal gave him 14 on the season and puts him in the league lead among rookies. 

Some things to discuss:

Claude Giroux got into his third career fight. It was a pleasant mix of passion and frustration, which I’m guessing excited our friend Brandi

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We now know why Jaromir Jagr was such a sought after guest on Dry Island: he, like the $51 million goalie, doesn’t drink. Here’s an excerpt from an Q & A with Jags in the Courier Post:

You do keep yourself in good shape for a guy who’s turning 40 next month.
“I never drink. I think that’s helped. I never drink alcohol.”

You never drank at all?
“No. My family never had alcohol in the house. My dad never. My mom never. If you don’t see if in the house … I never drank. I always had fun and never had to drink. I think people drink to have fun. I have fun when I don’t drink.”

You’re turning 40 on Feb. 15. When did you think playing in the NHL at 40 would be possible?
“I told you I never drink. I think when people drink, they lose 10 years. They lose 25 percent. I think that. They lose 25 percent. They’re finished at [age] 30. The thing is when you drink and the body, how it works … you’re naturally cleaning your body. When you drink alcohol, the body cleans the alcohol first, then it doesn’t have time to kind of heal you with other things.

You never tasted beer in your life?
“I tasted beer, but I don’t like that taste. That’s why I don’t drink it. That’s a huge advantage for me.

Did you ever smoke?
“No.”

Is there a soda that you drink?
“I like Diet Coke. I even drink it during a game. I like Diet Coke. No vitamins, nothing … Diet Coke.”

 

And there goes my vision of Jags sitting in the back of Z Bar sipping distilled vodka off the neck of a Ukrainian hooker.

Speaking of Eastern Europe and Russia, reader Matt sent this video of John Boruk seemingly making a crack about the KHL plane crash during Pregame Live:

Eh. He’s actually right– travel is safer here. I’m not so sure he wasn’t just caught off-guard by Bill Clement, who – I think – was talking about the fact that there is less travel in the NHL, not the safety thing. Signals crossed and, boom: uncomfortable comment. A few folks on Twitter were unhappy with it, but I don’t think Boruk meant it as a joke, it just came across that way.

Finally, since the highlights consist mostly of Brayden Schenn turning the puck over at the blue line, after the jump is a picture of the Phantoms without their shirts on and video of Giroux’s fight. Both are geared toward our female readers.

Comment on this post, and you'll entered to win a “Quality Grooming Experience” from American Male, a full-service salon for guys in Center City, Berwyn and Reading that has been helping men look their best for over 12 years. The “Quality Grooming Experience” features shampoo, haircut, scalp massage and much more. We’ll be picking two winners per week. Must enter your email address to be eligible. Oh yeah, they serve beer too.

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image from mobilwi.typepad.com

Photo: Getty

Hey there, interwebtual creatures, how would you like to shell out $1,000 for the puck Danny Briere placed into the pads of Henrik Lundqvist during his penalty shot in the Winter Classic?

What, you wouldn’t like that?

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"Where's fuckin' Henrik's pads? Gimme gimme gimme fuckin' Henrik's pads"

Currently, NHL.com counts 30 bids up to $1,100 on the individually numbered puck, and that’s with 10 days remaining on the auction. Rangers fans, no doubt. Or Sean Couturier.

This is all part of a plot by the NHL to suck, snort, and inject the remaining dollars from the 2012 Winter Classic like a crack whore robbing a dead rich guy. The league is auctioning off everything. Flyers and Rangers players were asked to change jerseys between each period of this classic winter tilt so the NHL could auction off three sets of game-worn sweaters… except one worn by Andreas Lilja, whose first period sweater will be immortalized in the Hockey Hall Fame. Really. Here’s the full auction item list:

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Morning Puck: Bad Day

Kyle Scott —  December 16, 2011 — 23 Comments

Screen Shot 2011-12-16 at 9.23.22 AMLavs did his best to avoid lamenting Pronger's concussion

Well, here we are– sans captain.

When the Flyers traded Mike Richards and Jeff Carter, some of the concern surrounding the moves was over likely naming Chris Pronger – an aging, injury prone defenseman – captain. What if he got hurt? What if he only had a few years left in the tank? Those were both reasonable questions that came with disturbing answers. Now, one of those frightening consequences is coming to fruition, but for a reason that is as random as it is unfortunate.

Obviously, a concussion is not an injury based on age– so it’s not fair, nor accurate, to put blame on anyone. But, the reality is – based on many factors – that the Flyers had a lot of eggs in the Pronger basket. And as well as the team is playing right now, they are going to have to fill his void if they want to compete for the Stanley Cup. They're not built, as is, to win without him for a prolonged period.

Being Flyers captain has not been a desirous place to be. Four of the last six to hold the position have suffered a range of unfortunate fates: Keith Primeau (career ended due to concussions), Peter Forsberg (odd foot injury killed last few years of his career), Mike Richards (shot by Paul Holmgren), Pronger (???). And how ironic (unfortunate) is it that the week Eric Lindros returned to Philadelphia, the team's current captain's season was lost due to the same injury that plagued 88?

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Will Pronger ever play again? None of us know. But it’s entirely possible that his career is over. The concussion is just the icing on the cake for a player who has suffered a myriad other injuries over the last few seasons. And the fact that yet another high-profile player may have a career shortened (or hampered) by a concussion will only further the bubbling debate surrounding head injuries in hockey (the HBO cameras don't hurt, either).

What about the Flyers, though? Well, Pronger will need to be replaced. The defense is not good enough as is, and the Flyers aren’t going to be able to outscore everybody, especially once the playoffs come around. At some point, they are going to have to win games by stopping the other team, and they’re not built to do that sans Pronger.

Oh yeah… and there's that whole Giroux thing, too.

The Flyers won – impressively, I might add – last night, 4-3. Some statisticals to put their early success in its proper context:

The Flyers move to 12-3-1 on the road this season, giving them 25 points in road games.  In terms of points, it ties them with the 1979-80 team for the best road record after 16 games in franchise history (79-80 team was 10-1-5 for 25 points after 16 road games).  It’s the most road wins in 16 road games in franchise history.

The Flyers won their seventh consecutive game.  It’s the longest winning streak the Flyers have strung together since an eight-game streak from Jan. 6-19, 2002.  

 

Your full highlights are after the jump.

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If you’re keeping score at home (I am), the Flyers are 4-0 since HBO cameras have begun following the team full-time. Which means we’re more likely to see the sort of favorable editing the Penguins saw last year as opposed to Bruce Boudreau’s fuckfest. Good times. Friendly reminder: 24/7 airs tonight at 10 p.m. on HBO.

The Flyers won last night, 5-1, beating the Capitals in regulation for the first time in two years. And they did it sans Pronger and Roo, too. #drseuss

You might be asking yourself how? Or why? Two reasons, submitted for your approval:

Ilya Bryzgalov 

After the game, Bryz, who was congratulated by Ed Snider (more on the chairman in a second), spoke with Coatsey and had this to say about why he played so well: “I slept very well last night– about nine and a half hours.” 

Also, ate his veggies and finished his homework before the game. In Soviet Russia, life so simple.

Reason number two: Scott Hartnell, who ripped the twine saucered one between the legs of Tomas Vokoun for his 200th career goal. Check out these statisticals on Hartnell via the Flyers city-leading PR department: 

Scott Hartnell extended his career-high streak of consecutive games with a goal to six when he scored his 200th NHL goal in the first period.  It’s the longest goal-scoring streak for a Flyer since Jeff Carter scored in six consecutive games from Feb. 8 to March 3, 2010, which surrounded the Olympic break.  Hartnell has a chance to tie his career-high for overall consecutive games with a point (seven) on Thursday in Montreal.    

Hartnell’s streak ties Patric Hornqvist of Nashville as the longest goal-scoring streak in the NHL this season.  

 

Jeez, not only is he now our most stalkable Flyer (I say that lovingly), but he’s also replacing Carter in the scoring department…

Snider, who was in the locker room after the game congratulating the team, apparently got in a little workout. The brief details courtesy of Greg Wyshinski, Yahoo!’s Puck Daddy: 

I just watched Ed Snider do 5 pushups with the Flyers.

— Greg Wyshynski (@wyshynski) December 14, 2011

Nice.

And now, your hourly Claude Giroux update. Paul Holmgren spoke with reporters after the game, this is what the GM had to say: 

Claude over the last few days claimed his symptoms have gradually gotten worse, I guess. He skated a little bit today, but didn’t feel that good, didn’t feel like himself. I don’t know if there is any good news in this other than after 15 minutes or so, once he stopped skating, he did start to feel a little better. We’ll take it a little easy with Claude, give him some time off tomorrow and revisit with him on Thursday.

 

More:

Must-read article from the Wall Street Journal about the Flyers-Lightning game last month, which is being billed as the worst hockey game ever played.

Marc-Andre Bourdon scored his first NHL goal last night. Philly Sports Daily has a picture and story.

Tickets for the High School Hockey Classic featuring Malvern and La Salle are still available for $10. Get them here

After the jump are your full game highlights and video of an official leveling Kimmo Timonen.

Have a few things going on today, so it might be a slow morning on CB…

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For Christ's sake, you know why this thing hasn't been resolved yet? Because the the NHL is yet to reach a deal with the Phillies over using Citizens Bank Park. But the game is going to happen. Need more proof, just in case? Puck Daddy found item eight on the Flyers charity golf tournament auction list:

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UPDATE: Not more than 20 minutes after we posted this, the auction item was removed:

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Whelp, guess the game is back off… (nice spot by @one_curly_fry)

….

That's great and all, if not stating the obvious. I like item number seven better:

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Trust me, kids, you don't want to sleep in a hockey locker room.

Puck Daddy points out that the auction item also all but confirms an Alumni Classic to take place on New Year's Eve. He wonders if the Flyers will invite Eric Lindros, so they can reunite the Legion of Doom. I would consider it a very high likelihood they do- wink and nudge. 

H/T to the 900 people who sent us this, be sure to check out our Winter Classic category for all updates. 

Also, Bryzgalov will apparently wear both masks (home and away) this year.

Michael_leighton_puckSource: AP, Mel Evans

It seems we may have helped contribute to NHL linesman Steve Miller's removal from playoff duty. Our video, which was posted at the end of January, featured clips taken from YouTube showing Miller as the person who picked up Patrick Kane's Stanley Cup winning puck.

Our motive was simple: When a Chicago bar, Harry Caray's Restaurant, offered a $50,000 reward for the missing puck, we thought we would clear Chris Pronger as the "suspect" (again, it's a puck). In doing so, we found videos which seemed to show Miller as the one who picked it up. Last week, Wayne Drehs of ESPN.com cited our video in a lengthy Outside the Lines piece about the puck. Last night, Bob McKenzie of TSN, who also cited our video along with the ESPN article, wrote about how Miller has been taken off active duty for the playoffs:

"We do not know where the (missing) puck is and Steve says he does not know where the puck is," NHL spokesman Gary Meagher told TSN. "We 100 per cent believe Steve and we fully stand behind him. But in the best interests of the league, and Steve, we felt the best course of action for everyone was to take him off his assignments at this time."

 

Oops.

In making the video, my intent was never to get anyone in trouble. It was simply to find out if Pronger had the puck. It kind of took on a life of its own after that. It was fairly obvious – and has been confirmed by the FBI with "100% certainty" – that Miller picked up the puck. Miller, however, denies ever seeing it. You can read all about it here, if you haven't already.

Carry on.

UPDATE 1: Steve Miller has been re-assigned to the playoffs.

UPDATE 2: Last night CBC released video which CLEARLY shows Miller picking up the puck, yet Miller denies ever seeing it. Odd. Here's the video- around the three minute mark.