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There are some people who just can’t seem to get out from behind their keyboards. These people, Internet trolls, generally suffer from (usually related) weight and hygiene issues, masturbate a lot, and eat SpaghettiOs three nights a week (I’m stereotyping).

Mark Madden, a Pittsburgh radio host and wrestling columnist (…), seems like one of these persons. 

You may remember Madden from last November, when he went on a media tour, spreading a rumor that he heard about Jerry Sandusky pimping out boys to Second Mile donors, an accusation that is yet to be confirmed by any reputable news outlet. And as you might imagine, super troll Madden has thoughts on the Flyers-Penguins rivalry… and they are oh-so-Pittsburgh.

From his Twitter (@MarkMaddenX):

Hey, is Bryz gonna be ready for the playoffs, or has his sex-change surgery not healed yet?

C'mon #FlyersNation! I thot u knew yer hockey! Wut do 1976, 1980, 1985, 1987, 1997 &2010 have in common? 

Flyers fans: Don't worry about your Cups being old & worn out! U got no balls 2protect anyway! #gutlesscomespringtime

I play you low-IQ lowlifes from Philly like Jimmy Page plays his Gibson. I say jump, u ask how high. I'm from Pittsburgh! I've got brains!

 

I bet you do, you.

He continued:

To reiterate: If Flyers do win, it'll b because they sink 2new depths, crawl in the gutter. Cos they knock Sid out w/a dirty hit.#invalidate

Flyers fans yap now, but they'll freeze up like Cena 2night when playoffs start. Because when playoffs start, it's 4REAL.#herecomesthepain

See, I KNOW this: W or L, Pens will handle series w/class &character. Flyers, their fans will act like punks. #sameasiteverwas

There's a RIGHT way & a WRONG way 2do everything. Everything Flyers do is coated is disgrace.

Penguins-Flyers rivalry like windshield-bug rivalry once playoffs start. SPLAT!

Hey, when did the Eagles last win a Super Bowl? How's Norm Van Brocklin doing?

I'm not the1 w/big mouth. Flyers not beat Pens in g that means anything since 2000. I expect recent playoff history b/w Pens/Flyers 2repeat.

And, as always, if Flyers do win, they will crawl in gutter 2do so, thus invalidating. It's just a tangled web. A tangled, 37-year-old web

I had 1 heart attack. If I have another, let it be right after the Pens eliminate the Flyers. They can bury me right after u get buried.

Flyers fans tweets all talk about beating up Pens, or taking Sid's head off. None about OUTPLAYING the Pens. Hmmm.

If you're 42-43 or younger…& yer a Flyers fan…u weren't alive when the Flyers W a Cup, or if u are, u don't remember it. WOW.

Wut was it like watching those handshake lines in '08 & '09? When Sid picked up the Cup in '09? Seriously, Flyers fans…wut was it like?

If the NHL had an oz of guts, they would scrape the Flyers names off the Cup in '74 & '75. Weren't best team. Bastardized the game 2extreme.

I don't want Flyers plane 2b shot down. Or their ribs 2be poisoned. Or 2be murdered by OJ. Or 2b abducted by aliens. Or 2b raped &mutilated.

I said we shud poison their ribs, too. Y take a chance? Ur way 2uptight. 

2day's Flyers W has no effect on playoffs besides tangible issue of H ice. Lots of twists& turns 2go. Pens D huge issue; 5F PP huge issue.

Define ILLOGICAL: Getting lecture by Flyers fans about class.

 

This coming from a guy who goes on porn star retweeting rampages.

Madden isn’t exactly a person worth rebutting, so I’ll refrain from grammatically destroying him. But he has 17,000 Twitter followers and a radio show– this should give you an idea of the type of rhetoric Penguins fans will be hearing over the next few weeks. Take cover.