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Chooooooooch.

Endearingly Fat Chooch continued his torrid hitting. He had four hits and three RBIs, and is now batting .364 on the season. I don’t know what he did over the offseason, whether he lifted a ton of weights or just sat under a mango tree somewhere and ate donuts, but it’s working. The fatter he gets, the better he plays.  Video here.

Screen Shot 2012-05-18 at 9.11.28 AMPic via reader John

The Phillies won their fifth straight game last night, beating the Cubs, 8-7. The game wasn’t that close, however. Charlie Manuel gave Jake Diekman a chance to close out the game, up 8-3. That didn’t go so well. The rookie pitcher – who looks like Rube Baker if Rube Baker was a troubled farm boy that shot his mother with a sawed-off shotgun and explained his actions by saying “I don’t know, Mommy just needed to die” – couldn’t find the strike zone. He walked two, gave up a hit, and was charged with four earned runs before Jonathan Papelbon came in to get the save. 

Yeah, he’s not ready for the ninth yet. 

Papelbon’s Stare 

Speaking of psychos… Papelbon’s old team comes to town tonight. Last night, David Ortiz tweeted that he’d rather not see that stare:

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Screen Shot 2012-05-18 at 9.19.22 AM

Utley’s New Knees

No timetable for Chase yet. The Delco Times has more.

T-Mac’s Limited Vocabulary 

Literally, at the end of every game, Tom McCarthy says the player of the game had a heckuva game. I can’t take it anymore. Can’t do it. There has to be another adjective out there besides heckuva to describe Carlos Ruiz’s four-hit performance. Outstanding. Stellar. Awe-inspiring. Wonderful. Brilliant. Great. Something. SOMETHING ELSE, TOM!

Punch Cole Hamels! Step Right Up and Punch Cole Hamels!

Ryan Zimmerman, speaking to Jim Rome, still can’t figure out why Hamels plunked douchebag Bryce Harper

Piere Plays Poker at Parx

Paul Pierce was again playing poker at Parx Casino:

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 Pic via reader Anthony

Quizzo Winners

Congrats to Cut. It. Out. for winning last night’s Philly Sports in Movies quizzo at Drinker’s:

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That dude oughta know his fly is down. 

Birds

Eagles are serious contenders for Yerimiah Bell.

Plugs

Tickets for the Phillies Red Sox series are available on Crossing Broad Tickets for as low as $20. 

H/T (@paulglester) and(@CaptnPhightin