Serenity Now! Mets Looking to Add Quiet Car in Left Field

Not that excessive noise should really concern anyone at Citi Field – the gothic stadium (which I actually like) that the New York Metropolitans have called home since 2009, when they began a string of three straight seasons finishing fourth in the NL East – but the team is going to address the non-issue anyway. 

Per a report in the NY Post, the Mets sent a survey to fans yesterday. One line stood out:

The Mets are considering adding a designated ‘quiet’ seating section with lower volume PA announcements and no music or cheerleading. How likely would you be to purchase tickets in that section?

Yeah, this isn’t the Acela Express. It’s a baseball stadium. And adding a section that actually promotes fan disengagement – said to be in second of three decks in left field – may be the most backward initiative a team has ever undertaken to help sell tickets. Usually, winning does that– not catering to moms, babies, librarians and dogs.  

But this is the Mets we’re talking about, and they do silly things. So let’s assume, if just for a moment, that they go through with this. What sort of creepy, borderline rapey nicknames and taglines do they give the new area?

Whisperers Row?

Silent Niese?

Meet The Mutes?

Johan Shhtana?

HUSH, MY DICKEY LIKES IT THIS WAY?!?

I’m waiting, peacefully, to find out.

[If the Phillies were to do this, perhaps they would call it Placid Polanco. But hey, I don’t want to give them any ideas. They’re are doing a good enough job keeping the place quiet on their own.]

The Mets responded to criticism on NY radio stations by claiming that the section would be aimed at families and autistic children. That seems like a desperate recalibration to save face, though.

We’ll keep you updated on what happens here. But, the Mets should be reminded: serenity now… insanity later.