image from mobilwi.typepad.comI call this one "Disabled"

Help is on the way!

Maybe.

Probably not, actually. But there are updates today, and for fuck's sake, we're going to give them to you.

Last night during the Phillies’ broadcast, Gary Matthews said, “Jim Thome isn’t a guy who wants to embarrass himself.” Well, the Phillies second biggest offseason acquisition will have a chance to not embarrass himself tonight, when he returns to the Phillies. Pete Orr and his chess game were optioned to triple-A. 

CHASE UTLEY HIT A HOME RUN TODAY. It was in second in two games, in fact. Both he and Ryan Howard played in an extended spring training game in Clearwater. Since those games essentially don’t have rules, Howard led off six different innings and Utley also batted six times. Utley was 2-5 with a double and home run. He also walked. Howard was 2-4 with two singles and two walks. 

CSN’s Jim Salisbury provides some more color: [CSN Philly

Neither player was available to reporters, but their body language spoke positively. Both players moved well. They smiled easily around the dugout. After blooping a single over shortstop in the third inning, Howard returned to the dugout and said, “I’ll take it.”

 All of the players’ at-bats came against left-handed pitching.

 

Hot. 

More: It may be time to call up Domonic Brown, Zoo With Roy has video of the bomb he hit in Lehigh Valley yesterday. His dickish bat flip almost incited a fracas. 

MORE: Following a report yesterday in which a second opinion confirmed the initial diagnosis on Roy Halladay’s lat, the pitcher will speak to reporters today at 3:55 p.m. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad yet. We'll have the video here.