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The former St. Joes star, who has myriad character issues and is currently out of the NBA, tweeted out his resume – or, resamay – yesterday to interested teams and no one in particular. 

The folks over at CBS Sports grabbed all of the Tweets, we’ve aggregated them, for your reading pleasure:

It's not even takin a chance…I'm not comin to yr team riddin a motorcycle… High Q player/person ..low cost…great influence on young P. Defend and play all 3 guard spots…complete player…can be a scorer if asked can be whatever a team needs do to wide verity of skill set. Only ask for communication about when checks come up missin or short…other than that…let's win some games and have fun while we doin it!

And yea..this is my resamay…Coach….?, let's go..take me a day or two to figure offense and a few mins to figure out defense…!! My rates..are league minimum…non garentee…cause Iknow that by time I get there u see what I'm about..what I bring everyday…

 

Reworded: I’m a smart player who costs nothing. I’m a great influence on young players who aspire to punch graduate assistants, ride high through KFC drive-thrus, perhaps pump LeBron James’ mom, and perform other general debauchery not conducive to fostering a winning environment.  

I can play three different guard spots. Can score, or do whatever. All I ask is that you tell me when my league-minimum checks bounce, a simple request to prevent me from FREAKING THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE I’M BIPOLAR, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Thank you for reading my resamay. Oh, did someone say samay? As in sandwich? Shiiit, this chronic has me hungry as a mo-fo. Sweeeet. Hire me and I’ll bring food.