Screen Shot 2012-12-14 at 9.35.23 AMThis is what nightmares are made of, kids

I was looking forward to hearing what Ben Revere had to say when he met with reporters at Citizens Bank Park yesterday. But instead of putting him up on a podium (a move that would have been overboard for a 24-year-old making the league minimum), the Phillies had scriptuals gather around Revere, who could be found standing in front of a holiday backdrop in the Phillies’ clubhouse spreading Christmasy cheer for all to hear.

Of course, it was hard to concentrate on what Revere was saying… because a crazed animatronic caroler, a bit too near, kept trying to stick a candle in Revere’s right ear.

Eat that, Dr. Seuss.

Here's video of Revere’s presser and two videos from his appearance on Daily News Live. All moving images courtesy of Comcast SportsNet-NBC-Yahoo!-whateverthefuck and whoever else has a hand in that pot. Just click the link… after this dot .