In what has been a rather disappointing post-career meltdown that has made him a legitimate contender in our celebrity death pool, Iverson, who never exactly had what one would call a healthy relationship with his ex-wife, Tawanna, may have stolen his kids. From TMZ:
Tawanna Iverson just filed legal docs, claiming Allen recently asked for permission to take their five kids on a short vacation to Charlotte, NC from May 22nd-May 26th (and Tawanna agreed) but when May 26th rolled around, the children hadn’t been returned.
The kids range in age from 3 to 16 years old.
In the docs, Tawanna says she tried to set up an exchange on June 4th at a neutral location — a nearby Target store — but A.I. never showed up.
Tawanna — who has sole legal and primary physical custody of their children — now believes Allen never took their kids to Charlotte at all … and is currently keeping them at a Sheraton hotel in Georgia.
There are many, many strange things about this, not the least of which is: Who would take anyone to Charlotte for a vacation? But the comedic potential of Iverson and Tawanna setting up a child-exchange drop point at a Target may have just replaced Lenny Dykstra requesting blowjobs from his maids as my favorite fall-from-Philly-grace scenario. Will a guy named Redfoot be involved? Will the children be placed in nondescript shopping carts? Will AI even be able to find a non-handicapped parking spot in one of those hellish parking lots?! So many variables… so few parking spaces.
Back to the Philly thing: In that NBC US Open spot showing the tough, visceral nature of the Philly sports landscape, what may have been missing was the fact that many of our most-beloved ex-athletes have turned into just the strangest collection of crooks, creeps and crazies after being run through this brotherly lovely meat grinder: Dykstra. Curt Schilling ripping off the entire state of Rhode Island with a failed (yet technologically promising) video game company. Ugueth Urbina pouring gasoline and using a machete on his workers. T.O. Darren Daulton’s alien encounters. It’s all so… weird. Incredibly, Bernie Parent, John Kruk and Mitch Williams have turned into the normal ones.
But hey, AI used to dive on the floor for loose balls, stepped over Tyronn Lue and crossed over Michael Jordan, so I see no legitimate reason to include him in this list. Can’t a father abduct his own children and take them to a Georgia hotel for some QT playing B-list video games on a faux N64 controller? I see nothing wrong with that.