Screen Shot 2013-06-04 at 4.12.09 PMChelsea Coutts (pronounced Coots, really), who has a big sticker on the back of her car, had $500 worth of sex toys illegally removed from her “cram-packed” trunk, which was violated by a neighborhood thief: [KPTV]

Sandy police said there are at least five victims, but one woman had the most embarrassing police report.

Coutts had been storing a cache of items that took her months and about $500 to collect for a bachelorette party this weekend.

“I’ve been storing it in my trunk because I have two little ones and didn’t want them to see all the dirty things in there,” said Coutts. “Lots of toys, blow-up items, all kinds of goodies.”

The perfect crime. Some local frat boy just skipped about seven steps in his pledging process. Steal sex toys from smoking hot and big-chested bridesmaid with a name that rhymes with “batch,” “boots” or “Mulva”– automatic initiation. 

And I love the power move by the officer asking Coutts (heh) to describe the items: “He felt bad so he asked me to describe everything in detail, and like colors… and it was just horrible.” Yeah, he was verbally assaulting you. The police report ended at “sex toys”… the rest was just icing for his cake.

Must watch video after the jump.

via (@TheBigLead)

KPTV – FOX 12