Screen Shot 2013-06-14 at 9.21.01 AMAnd I know something about bad sports gossip stories.

Jenice Armstrong, writing for Philly.com, or the Daily News, or both. I’m not even sure anymore:

WHAT DOES a wife buy for Father’s Day when she’s married to one of the highest-paid athletes in the entire world?

Kijafa Vick, wife of Eagles quarterback Michael Vick, is thinking of getting him some more golf gear but she told me, “I don’t know.”

She’s right to hesitate. If you’re Michael Vick and you want golfing items, you could buy out any sporting goods store you want. He probably has what he wants already.

“I think I’m going to have a cookout and have his family come over and just be with him. I don’t know what else to do for him,” Kijafa said laughing.

For the record, the newlyweds don’t hit the fairways together much.

“He’s been playing for a while. He’s pretty good,” Kijafa added. “He’s really competitive.”

This is the entire Michael Vick section – the lead section – of Armstrong’s gossip column. Like, how did this even come about?

Hey, you’re Michael Vick’s wife.

Yeah, sup?

What are you getting him for Father’s Day?

I don’t know, we’re kind of rich.

STORY!

Not to mention that Vick’s one-year, incentive-laden contract hardly makes him one of the highest-paid athletes in the world and that his credit troubles would probably preclude him from buying anything more than a lemonade stand. Other than those mild inaccuracies, this is a totally relevant tale.