Screen Shot 2013-07-11 at 12.20.59 PMI enjoy most of the comments, even the trolls. You may be aware of this. But there’s one recent commenter – who usually goes by the unfunny and too-long name, kyle is the meat in a carter/richards sandwich – whose unoriginally, lameness and ability to troll at all hours of the day is striking, if not concerning.

So I decided to… take a glimpse inside the life of a troll.

Here is what we know about the strange existence of kyle is the meat in a carter/richards sandwich, or KITMIACRS, for short:

His (HER?!) IP address is 155.91.45.231. That means that he works at Merck, in Woodbridge, New Jersey. I think here:

Screen Shot 2013-07-11 at 11.42.16 AM

A lofty company for such a lowly troll.

He seems hung up on several issues: the coverage of Mike Richards and Jeff Carter, the copy-and-paste nature of certain posts, the fact that other websites sometimes get to a story first (a major no-no in the eyes of KITMIACRS) and penises. Mostly black ones.

It’s not the unoriginality of his posts that fascinate, it’s the sheer stupidity. Most trolling commenters are entertaining. Some, like Crossing Broad memes, are both funny and provide legitimate criticism. I may not always agree with the sentiment, but they add something to the site. KITMIACRS does not. Here’s some of his best work (well, not actual work, for Merck), written under a number of different handles and fake email addresses (more on those in a minute):

Heckert looks like he gives blumpkins

Anyone know where i can get some black dick in me?

I LIKE TO LOOK AT BIG COCKS I LIKE TO LOOK AT BIG COCKS I LIKE TO LOOK AT BIG COCKS [repeated 30x]

How does one rape a website?

Why are you so obsessed with his calculator? I guess its better than your obsession with Carter’s penis at least.

Can someone point me in the direction of some juicy black dicks?

Pretty jealous that Hernandez is going to get to go to prison and be around all those big, juicy black dicks.

like to have sex with sheep

I like to make poops!

Wow, now he is using commenters to create content.

Anyone want to play Tummy Sticks later?

Penis penis penis penis penis.

Man, i love nutsacks in my face. Can’t get enough of it really.

Another useless story posted just to get racist comments

PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS

Block quoting an article from a writer you rip all the time, then adding pithy thoughts of your own – normal CB post. Penis.

Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.

And hockey is played by men, and golf is played by guys with tits.

And every engineering major i’ve ever dealt with has no idea how to interact with actual human beings.

KITMIACRS has commented 118 times since April 3, using an impressive 26 different handles. They may be the only entertaining aspect of his faux existence. Most have to do with penis or the surrounding area. Those names, including their corresponding email addresses– all sic’d, of course:

kyle is the meat in a carter/richards sandwich [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

Kyle’s ugly bride [email protected]

I LIKE TO LOOK AT BIG COCKS [email protected]

Adolf Hitler [email protected]

I LOVE DICK [email protected]

The Fuhrer [email protected]

Kyle’s Fiance [email protected]

Kyle’s Wife [email protected]

Poopmaker [email protected]

COCK MEAT SANDWICH [email protected]

dicksacks [email protected]

Crossing Swords [email protected]

Testicles [email protected]

Penis [email protected]

Dicks, dicks everywhere [email protected]

Carter/Richards sandwich [email protected]

nutsacks [email protected]

penises [email protected]

taint [email protected]

dickandballs [email protected]

cockhair [email protected]

Balls [email protected]

deadspin posted this already [email protected]

Morons [email protected]

Jeff Carter [email protected]

Moron [email protected]

It’s like a matrix of male anatomy slang. I haven’t tried emailing any of those addresses (I’m assuming KITMIACRS doesn’t own sack.com– I feel like that one had to get gobbled up early on). [email protected] has potential, but, I mean, who uses Yahoo!? 

Anyway, I’d love to learn more about you, KITMIACRS. In the comments, of course.