I ALWAYS KNEW HIS ASS WAS TOO BIG TO BE NATURAL!

Antonio Bastardo, centaur, is one of the players in the Biogenesis scandal and will accept a 50-game suspension, according to bow tie man himself, little tiny tadpole Ken Rosenthal.

This may explain a lot about Bastardo’s decline last year following an outstanding 2011.

Another piece of great news for the 2013 Phillies. The silver lining in all this? That douchebag Jordany Valdespin was on the list, too: