Screen Shot 2013-08-25 at 9.04.34 AMToday in hacky and contrived ledes: It was a game that needed more Wilson Valdez, more goat. It lasted seven hours, six minutes. 18 innings. 20 pitchers. And two lousy utility men trying to salvage a slipping-away game at 2 a.m.

Let me tell you, men, you haven’t hit a low point in your Phillies fandom until you’ve watched Casper Wells and John McDonald pitch the south side of an 18-inning jab fest for a team 13 games under .500 while standing in a cougar and cub dominated Flip Flopz in North Wildwood, like I was, and oscillating between looking at the laser light encrusted projection screen and skirting the groping of those filled with too many Twisted Teas and Coors Lights. Yes, I hate this cruel world for making me write that sentence, if it even was a sentence, but I probably don’t hate it as much as Wells, who had the worst game in the history of baseball last night.

Wells’ combined stat line: 0-7 with 4 strikeouts and 7 men left on-base, and on the mound, 0.2 innings, 3 hits, 3 walks, 5 earned runs and the loss.

Yep, Casper netted the Phillies a frightening -12 runs last night. Boo.

If someone can compute a WAR for all that, I would imagine it’s no higher than -62.4.

Did Marcus Hayes manage to be an asshole again? He did:

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This play. This beautiful double play.

And because the Phillies used all their available pitchers and then some, Roy Halladay, who was supposed to start in Reading today, was called to Philadelphia, where he’ll make a rehab start with the 2013 Phillies.

The highlights here.