I don’t even know why Donovan McNabb is trying to be a mentor to RGIII. It doesn’t make any sense. Sure, McNabb played under the same terrible regime in Washington. And he’s a black quarterback who used to run a lot. But that’s about where the similarities stop. Yet, Former Five continues to try to lend RGIII an ear which he doesn’t need.

The latest came from McNabb, who, on his talk show last night, responded to RGIII saying in a GQ interview that it’s probably best that he and McNabb don’t talk.

McNabb was, predictably, butthurt:

“I’m just trying to help him. Clearly the young generation, they think they have all the answers. He’s going through a little turmoil right now, trying to make it out on the field, and it’s unfortunate. But that’s where we’re at right now as far as these young quarterbacks who think they have all the answers. Until things start to fall apart and come down trembling on you, then you want some help. But it’s a shame. I honestly think that over there in Washington, he’s getting brainwashed. He’s getting input from whoever it may be on, ‘There’s no reason to talk to him, it didn’t work out here.’ If they expressed their dislike when I was there, or what I used to do, so be it. But, I hope the best for the young man, but the direction he’s going in is really a direction he does not want to do. He does not want to go there with me, especially when I got the last word.”

WHAT IS THIS EVEN ABOUT?! Why is Donovan McNabb insisting that he be RGIII’s oracle? RGIII just married a white chick who performs in YouTube rap videos with him. And he sexts a side piece. Does McNabb, the most sensitive athlete ever, really believe he has something to add to this young man’s life?

DonovanHey man… here’s how to not be cool. Do you remember The Moonwalk?

RGIII: Man, WHAT THE FUCK are you talking about? This is how I roll:

Like, I’m actually becoming an RGIII fan because he’s being man-stalked by McNabb. I feel bad for the guy. No one should have to put up with that. McNabb is like Alan from The Hangover, if only Alan from The Hangover were an annoying ex-quarterback who, instead of roofies and unintentional hilarity, leeched onto your skin and filled your life with PMS-like passive aggressiveness at every turn. I’m not mad, Robert. I’m just saying, you should have ordered the Skinny Girl instead of the Don Julio. It will make you fat, like me. No one liked me once I got to fat. But it’s cool. We still cool. 

Are we at the point where RGIII can file a restraining order yet? Because he should do that.