SOLD! TO THE BLOGGER WITHOUT PANTS.

EA Sports released the NHL 15 trailer today, for some reason reminding folks who might buy NHL 14 with the playoffs going on that it’s probably best to wait. But that’s their problem.

Each year, each new trailer looks like the next great thing. This goes back to the Sega days when they released trailers that looked almost exactly like this, with absurd, technologically unachievable cut scenes. The thing is that now they can actually do this stuff, and they can actually pull off what they claim in this list of new features, via the always great PastaPadre:

♦12 Player NHL Collision Physics – For the first time, real-world physics affect every player through every on-ice collision with the new 12 Player NHL Collision Physics. Utilizing the power of the new consoles, and building off the critically-acclaimed NHL Collision Physics system, every player on the ice is governed by physics at all times. Feel the hard-hitting chaos of NHL hockey through true-to-life secondary collisions, net scrambles and player pileups, capturing the desperation of every shift.

♦Real Puck Physics – The puck is one of the most complex items in the game to authentically replicate and it finally gets its due in NHL 15. Completely rebuilt puck physics result in a more realistic feel to every puck interaction. Everything on the ice, including the ice surface, is live leading to unpredictable and authentic puck spins, rolls and bounces seen in a real NHL game.

♦Authentic Player & Equipment Models – The Next Generation Hockey Player has been rebuilt from the ice up. Now player models have three distinct layers – the body, equipment, and jersey. Each layer interacts independently, making every contact with the puck or other players even more realistic. Dynamic Cloth technology adds an extra layer of realism as it reacts to the player’s movement as they explode up the ice, helping bring the speed of the game to life.

♦Unprecedented Player Likeness – Powered by the same technology that brought the most realistic representation of the athlete to EA SPORTS UFC, NHL 15 delivers groundbreaking player likeness, emotion and animation. From the strides a player takes to get across the ice to the emotion on their face after scoring a game-winning goal, the players are as real as they’ve ever been.

♦Superstar Skill Stick – Now all the tools of an NHL superstar are in your hands. The revolutionary Skill Stick has evolved to give even more control to the player. Protect the puck, receive passes without breaking stride, and discover an arsenal of new dekes, all with an intuitive right stick control scheme that is easy to use but packed with depth.

♦Vision AI – An elevated level of player intelligence, Vision AI features evolved awareness with players reading and reacting to potential plays. Scoring area recognition, pass anticipation, and enhanced team breakouts all improve the flow of the game.

Is it just me, or does every. single. sports. game. release. tout new puck (ball) and player physics, enhanced animation, and new AI? Like, this sounds great, but give me more, please.

♦A New Commentary Team – New voices for a new generation. NHL 15 welcomes the NBC Sports commentary team of Mike ‘Doc’ Emrick and Eddie Olczyk to the broadcast booth. TSN analyst Ray Ferraro will provide game insights at ice level. Leveraging the same Vision AI foundation that the players have, and just like a live broadcast, Doc, Eddie and Ray will anticipate plays and ramp up their intensity to match the action on the ice with more than 35,000 lines of brand-new commentary.

YES. YES, GIVE ME DOC, PLEASE.

Notice no Pierre McGuire? The game wanted to keep its Everyone rating and McGuire was just too creepy for children under the age of 28.

♦NBC Sports Game Day Presentation – The most realistic broadcast package in a video game to-date is possible because of a new partnership with NBC Sports. Set the scene with the NHL on NBC crew welcoming you to the city during the game intros and immerse yourself in an experience that matches what you see on television with NHL on NBC graphics and branding.

♦Real Life Broadcast Integration – When we say Doc and Eddie are in the game, we mean really in the game. Taking commentary integration to the next level, NHL 15 will feature real world pre-game video commentary with Doc and Eddie. Set against NHL 15 in-game visuals, the result is a revolutionary step forward in sports videogames, where the lines between the real world of sport broadcast and the game are blurred.

Again I think back to the time I peed in front of Doc Emrick in the Wells Fargo Center press box.

♦Over 9,000 Crowd Models – NHL 15 sets a new standard in videogames with more than 9,000 individual crowd models with 4x the animations of previous generations. Take a look through the glass and you’ll see fans hold up signs with your name on them, costume wearing superfans, or even sections full of team rivals rooting against you.

Dancin’ Shawny?!

♦Living Crowds – The crowd is alive. Feel the crowd behavior change after dropping the gloves, landing a big hit, or scoring a clutch goal. Individual behaviors are mapped to each person in the crowd, as they anticipate the play, taunt players, clap to music from the dynamic Jumbotron or even take a quick break from the action to snap a selfie and immortalize their experience.

Or if you play the Devils: sleeping crowds.

♦Authentic Arenas – There is no feeling like being there, and we are giving you the best seats in the house. The power of the next-gen consoles finally allows the NHL franchise to capture every detail of an NHL arena. Unique arena elements from more than 19,000 seat capacities to lighting and player entrance tunnels are captured with a level of detail not possible on the previous generation. Now those home games will truly feel like home.

Or if you play the Devils: Joshua Harris and PartyPoker.net executives unfurling giant banners every intermission.

Anyway, the game sounds great.