I don't know what I'm doing!

I don’t know what I’m doing!

2 + Hamels = lamp. I love lamp.

I’m not going to lie– I read this quote from Ruben Amaro about 10 times, and though I’m entirely convinced he’s an idiot, I’m not sure I can disprove his math, even if the logic makes no sense.

Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe [UPDATE: who used quotes from Todd Zolecki’s piece on MLB.com last week], reporting on Rube’s continued unwillingness to show even the slightest urgency in rebuilding this hideous mess he calls a baseball team:

Phillies GM Ruben Amaro has made it clear that he’s not giving anyone away.

“What people don’t understand is nobody is holding a gun to our head to trade a player,” the GM said. “Typically, if a team wants a player, they typically will try to go get that player. If you really wanted to make a trade with the Phillies or any other club, you would be the aggressor.”

Amaro said he’s not afraid of risking injury to his trade chips.

“The reality is this: There are a lot more chances for the 29 other teams to get people hurt than the one or two guys that we have,” he said. “That’s basic math.”

This isn’t the first time Ruben has downplayed the what if [Hamels] [Papelbon] gets injured? argument in explaining why he’s in no rush to trade them. But the math problem he laid out… well, that’s new.

He’s right. There are a lot more chances for players on the other 29 teams to get hurt, but what that has to do with Hamels or Papelbon, I don’t know. That’s like a Rutgers student saying, I have a better chance of catching the flu, so I’m just not going to wear condoms. Um, yeah, yeah you do, you reckless idiot, but even though having the flu might prevent you from finding a willing and equally reckless partner, there’s still a chance that you wind up with both the flu and a mysterious red rash that just won’t seem to go away. Ditto for Amaro– if enough injuries occur around the league, Hamels and Papelbon will have even more value (thus increasing offers and perhaps hastening an actual trade), but that doesn’t lessen the chance that they themselves could get hurt in the meantime. In other words, Amaro could be stuck with yet another untradable pitcher… and be left with a burning sensation when he pees.

I’m not sure how my logic works there, but I know my math is right: If you buy this shirt, it will totally increase the probability that Ruben gets fired later this year.