Jeff Pearlman, author of books about the 1986 Mets, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, the Cowboys, Lakers and Walter Payton, (whose web host appears to have crumbled under the weight of his words), lays into Stephen A. Smith for his bloviations about Allen Iverson being drunk or not drunk during his “practice” rant, which is somehow a thing this week*:

Anyhow, earlier today Stephen A. Smith—knower of all, reporter of none, carnival barker to the world—thrashed Babb’s work (which, ahem, he apparently hasn’t read), calling the story a “flat-out lie” on ESPN. “I’ve known Allen Iverson for 19 years,” he said. “Allen Iverson and I speak every week. We spoke this morning for 45 minutes. I might know a thing or two about basketball. I might know a thing or two about a lot of things. I know a hell of a lot more about Allen Iverson. I challenge any journalist to tell you they know him better than I do … Allen Iverson and I spoke for 45 minutes this morning.”

“The reason I’m speaking out about this is because it’s an exercise in cruelty. Allen Iverson is retired. Allen Iverson is not playing any more and you are going to literally sit there and talk about something you believe happened over 12 years ago? Let me tell you something right now. Allen Iverson, I know Allen Iverson. Listen, he’ll tell you, if anybody knows if and when he is drunk, it is me. You understand. I can tell you for a fact that man wasn’t drunk.”

OK. Where to begin?

First, to Stephen Smith, go f*ck yourself. You used to be a journalist. You used to be a reporter. Then, when the money and the bright lights arrived, you stopped—and turned hype man. Which is fine. Truly, I have no problem with this. ESPN has blessed you with a comfortable life, one where you do little work (and scream incoherently) for great reward. Mazel tov.

But do not bash people who do actual reporting; who spend years digging into a subject and learning and reporting and uncovering. Guys like Stephen Smith are an all-too-common phenomenon—someone comes along and writes about a subject that you (Stephen Smith) feel belongs to you. And it pisses you off. Who the hell is Kent Babb to write about Allen Iverson? That’s my guy!

All this rage, and Pearlman didn’t even touch on A. Smith’s absurd accusations about Chip Kelly being a racist or his latest nonsensory (is that even a word?)– that Cavs coaching dummy David Blatt is to blame for Kyrie Irving’s freak broken knee injury. So there’s actually more fuel earmarked for this particular fire. Let it burn, baby!

*Who really cares? At this point, AI being drunk during the practice presser would probably add to his legacy.